The most exhausting part of answering the corporate email account was the Canadian schizophrenic, a latter-day Francis E. Dec who constantly used the webform as an outlet for his disjointed word salads. Laszlo Sandor would always sign his own name, but used a canny variety of sock puppet email addresses to circumvent the company spam filters, which were admittedly modest.

Why exactly Mr. Sandor has chosen a small Midwestern printer as an outlet for his deranged mind Penny never had been able to puzzle out.

His latest missive, which tipped the scales at over 200k of text, ran thus:

“WHEN NOT IN THEN BUT THEN PLOTTING WELL BORDERS OR THEIR BOUNDARIES SO REFERRED ELSEWHERE ALONG WITH ALL OTHER MOST PRECIOUSLY FOREVER JUST THAT NOMENCLATURES STORED OR SO IN THEIR MOST PRECIOUS DATABASES BUT THEN WHY NOT ALSO JUST CONSIDER NOT SO FAST WHY WELL NODDINGS FROM MOST PRECIOUS WELL UNITED NATIONS SECRETARY NOW ALSO JUST THAT FOREVER JUST THAT OUR TO OUR MOST PRECIOUS BONES HIM PROFESSOR JOHN T. CASTEEN III SIR OF COURSE SEPARATE ISSUES BUT THEN ALSO JUST THAT INVOLVINGS OF EACH AND EVERY ONE OF NOT SO WHY NOT WELL NODDINGS IS JUST THAT BUT THEN ALSO JUST THAT ALL RECOGNITIONS FROM OTHERS WHY SO WELL PAYED DUES TO RECREATE ALL BORDERS ALSO JUST THAT ALL EACH AND EVERY FEES OR SO MUST IS JUST THAT MOST PRECIOUS ALONG WITH EACH AND EVERYONES OF WHAT WELL NO NOT BLESSINGS BUT THEN ALL THEIR SO REFERRED whatchamacallit NOT A BAD DEAL OVER ALL.”

The email went on for some time like that, with Wikipedia and BBC links interspersed in a way Penny could only guess was intended to support Sandor’s “arguments.”

“ALSO BOWING MY OUR MOST PRECIOUS HEADS TO MAM POET MAM SIR GUS GLIKAS SIR TO REPENT OR NOT BUT SIR MOST HUMBLY NOW AND FOREVER TO JOIN YOU OUR NEXT SECRETARY GENERAL OF UNITED NATIONS OURS WITH MOST PLEASURE NOW AND FOREVER THAT SIR MOST ALMIGHTY AGAIN THAT SIR AL GORE SIR.”

The United Nations was a recurring element, though Penny was never sure what exactly Mr. Sandor was trying to say about it. She skipped to the bottom:

“AND MOST PRECIOUSLY ALSO JUST WEATHER ALWAYS JUST THAT SAME ALWAYS JUST THAT MOST PRECIOUS ALWAYS JUST THAT UNDISTURBED FOREVER JUST THAT SO AGAIN IS JUST THAT FOREVER STEPS AND ‘7 POINT PLEDGE’ ALSO JUST THAT MOST PRECIOUSLY ALSO JUST ALL OTHERS WELL AGAIN IS JUST THAT TO HELP ACHIEVE REALIZATIONS OF THE ABOVE MOST PRECIOUSLY FOREVER JUST THAT.”

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