“Why the hell do trees have to dump this shit on my car?” Lucas whines, clearing a swath in the pollen and plant debris covering his car with the back of his hand. “Why can’t they just drop their leaves and leave it at that?”

“You don’t want to know,” says Caleb. “Just wash it.”

“Yes I do,” Lucas replies. “You’re a bio major. Tell me.”

Caleb sighs. “No. You won’t like it, and then I’ll never hear the end of your whining.”

“You’ll never hear the end of my whining if you don’t.”

“Fine,” says Caleb. “The pollen? Plant sperm. The little stalks all over your car? What do you think makes sperm?”

“You mean…” Lucas begins.

“Yes. The trees have sex with the world and then their penises fall off. Onto your car.” Caleb is smiling by the end, as he sees Lucas’s expression turn to horror.

“UGH!” Lucas cries, recoiling. “Great, thanks! Now I’ll know that forever, thanks! I can’t un-know it!”

“You asked.

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