However, the most successful interdimensional coffee franchise was, by far, Quantum Coffee LLC GmbH. Headquartered in Dimension X, they operated many coffee companies (or the equivalents brewing things like Kjrdrn beans) on uncounted worlds. Some, like Stubb’s Coffee, did not explicitly acknowledge their parent company but regularly sent checks and received shipments anyway (this explains the otherworldly taste of the “holiday coffee” Stubb’s serves from September to February, incidentally, the drink originating in the Jjjrrnk’Blgmf Festival on Ixl IX).

Despite the fact that Quantum Coffee was founded by carbon-based lifeforms, its bestselling product is and will likely continue to be Causticoffee, which is off the pH scale and has to be served in special magnetic containment cups. A form of molecular acid, it will eat through anything from steel to the fragile innards of any lifeform whose biochemistry is not based on a specific silicon atom.

Quantum refuses to comment on its sales figures, leading many to speculate why Causticoffee, which is toxic to 90% of the chain’s clientele across every dimension, is such a strong seller. It’s the clear favorite of some lifeforms, it’s true; among some like the Rypl Causticoffee has become a cultural staple, and the 4Ploq have been known to use it for ritual purposes.

Others note the large corporate purchases in bulk and speculate that entities like the Hegemony use Causticoffee to degrease dark matter engines or to dispose of used interdimensional drive cores that are strongly basic (off the other end of the pH scale). Some rumors are conflated, placing the Unseen Emperor as a secret silicon-based being that harbors a strong fondness for the stuff and stockpiles it in his infinite paranoia.

Whatever the case, the really remarkable thing about Causticoffee is that occasionally carbon-based lifeforms order it by mistake. Most wind up with smoking holes in them; only one is known to have survived. And, oddly enough, that occurred when a load of Causticoffee beans and magnetic containment mugs were delivered to Hopewell on Earth by mistake…

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