TIME: 17:27:33 EST
DATE: 5/18/2013

DISPATCHER: 911 Emergency, may I help you?

CALLER: Yes, hello. I’d like to report a large snake on the loose.

DISPATCHER: A large snake?

CALLER: Yes, a large snake. About, um, fifteen feet or so. Give or take.

DISPATCHER: Do you know the name of the street or building that the snake is at?

CALLER: Oh yes, it’s in the cul-de-sac off of Brighton Street. You know, the one under the retaining wall? It’s across from Rosette’s Creperie, which is, um, 1147 Brighton.

DISPATCHER: 1147 Brighton?

CALLER: Yes, that’s right. I’m worried someone might get hurt by the snake.

DISPATCHER: Ma’am, please do not approach the snake. I’m going to send animal control to you but I need you to answer some questions for me first. First, do you have any idea where the snake came from?

CALLER: Oh, yes. I saw exactly where it came from. I was here the whole time, at the creperie.

DISPATCHER: Where did it come from?

CALLER: It came out of the wormhole–or vortex–that opened up in the retaining wall at the Brighton Road cul-de-sac.

DISPATCHER: You said the…wormhole?

CALLER: Or vortex. I don’t know if it’s meant to be there; seems like it might be a public hazard or something. The wormhole–or vortex–seems like some kind of portal to other times, places, and dimensions.

DISPATCHER: I’m sorry, did you say…a portal to other times and places?

CALLER: And dimensions. Also I’m not sure if it’s a portal or a vortex. I would have gone closer but I was afraid it would scare my schnauzer Biff.

DISPATCHER: And you’re sure there’s a large snake near this…wormhole?

CALLER: Or vortex. But yes, when I went to the creperie today–it’s been there a while but didn’t seem to be hurting anyone, I thought it might have had something to do with the arts festival downtown–there was this flash of yellow light and a big snake started crawling through the portal. Or vortex.

DISPATCHER: What…what is the snake doing?

CALLER: It’s just sitting there.

DISPATCHER: And the, um, vortex?

CALLER: Or portal. It’s just sitting there too, doing its thing. Like I said, I’d have gone closer to look at it but, um, I was afraid it’d scare my dog.

DISPATCHER: Well, animal control is on the way. Will you be able to, um, stay on the line until they arrive?

CALLER: Do warn them about the portal. Or vortex. I’d hate for them to fall in.

ACTION TAKEN: Dispatch of Hopewell Animal Control Mobile Unit #5
RESULT: Hopewell Animal Control Mobile Unit #5 reported unable to locate animal. Hopewell Animal Control Mobile Unit #5 subsequently failed to report in by the time dispatch report was finalized.

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