Much ink has been spilled about the growing aimless population of the city, who can be seen lounging around college campuses, making lazy circuits of shopping malls, and overcrowding coffee shops to the point of exasperation. Tough anti-aimless loitering laws, enforced by the outgoing mayor, were widely decried by activists, who claimed that they served to strip the aimless population of their basic human rights.

The city’s network of aimless shelters, lauded as a solution to the problem, has instead generated its own issues. The aimless are not allowed to stay there over lunch break, for example, causing many to crowd the same coffee shops and hiptseriums that the shelters were supposed to protect. For their part, the aimless who have stayed in the shelter complain of the poor quality and non-fair-trade nature of the coffee, the slowness of the complimentary wireless internet, and the dated nature of the clothing provided for free (which, being donated, often does not match or conform to current fashion standards).

Mayor Wilhelm’s incoming administration has promised swift action, repealing many of the more objectionable (to activists) policies and expanding the number of shelters. Anyone identifying as aimless or who is aimless-leaning or aimless-curious will be served, the mayor’s transition team insists. As to where the money for the initiative will come from, and what the aimless will be expected to do in return, the office was silent, claiming “overwork.”

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