BAJA BEIGE: So tell us about the special ingredients.

“PINK” ALLEN: Well, as you know, it’s tough to use a Doom Eye in cupcakes, as it corrupts whatever it touches yea unto seven generations. And the requirement that the flour had to be ground from the unbreakable shell of Xeper the Dawn-Beetle was a little daunting. Oh, and they wanted us to use pineapples. Those are the worst.

BAJA BEIGE: What about the handicaps?

“PINK” ALLEN:Well, I was forced to use my left hand as a special ingredient, so I tied a whisk to the bloody stump and kept at it. Then of course there was the 12-minute period where I couldn’t cause any chemical reactions or generate any heat. But I’d have to say that the most challenging was not being able to use real sugar.

BAJA BEIGE: And the final dish?

“PINK” ALLEN:I have wrought upon this wretched orb the curse of the Direcakes: a light and delicate vanilla cake, filled with the essence of the void and topped with human teeth for a delightful crunch. It has a dense chocolate filling sweetened with sacrificial blood. That’s what keeps it moist you know.

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