I was on the Ferris Wheel at Funworld in Bucksworth Bay when I saw something really strange. The big velociraptor statue they have above the Raptor Ringer started to move.

And then the dinosaur started to talk.

As its polyurethane feet split from the backing and it lurched forward, it told me that the time had come for it to revive. For despite its false-seeming form, it was in fact the True Raptor, the One Raptor, and that the time for his assumption into Dino Heaven had come.

I asked how this could be possible, and he said that I had to exceed my narrow mind, and that, once he had reentered Dino Heaven to sit alongside his father, the great T-Rex, everything would be clear. All the time I’d spent on this miserable disk would be worth it.

Turns out they left the eggs they use to make cookies out in the sun a little too long. I ate a bad snickerdoodle and started seeing and hearing things. Could’ve been worse, though. One guy in line for the Cyclotron said he saw one of the carnies pull himself head off and let it float up like a balloon. They caught him on top of the Turbo-Drop trying to retrieve it.

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