January: Astronomers Reveal That, Due to Error, 2020 Extended by One Month

February: 31st Day Discovered in Most Dismal Month, Scientists Confirm

March: Citizens Should Beware Every Day in March, Not Just the Ides

April: April Showers to Merge Into Global Warming, Ice Cap Meltdown

May: Mayflowers Bearing Colonists Arrive From Alpha Centauri

June: Murder Hornets, Godzilla Sign Non-Aggression Pact

July: Dread Lord Cthulhu Announces Candidacy

August: Global Warming Upgraded to Global Boiling

September: Cover Fee Instituted for Labor Day

October: Pumpkin Shortage Leads to Gourd Pirates

November: Mutant Zombie Turkeys No Cause For Concern, CDC Says

December:Astronomers Reveal That, Due to Error, 2020 Extended by One Year

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