In an unexpected announcement, delivered without warning or fanfare this evening at a press conference, Mississippi Republican Party chairman “Trip” Howell announced that governor Tate Reeves had been replaced in office by an actual potato, effective immediately.
“I have every confidence that the new potato administration will be a successful one, and both I and the state Republican Party wish Mr. Reeves a happy and harmonious retirement,” Howell said at the event.
Former Governor Reeves, who did not attend the ceremony, could not be reached for comment. Reeves’ former office referred all questions to his successor, noting only that the former governor was in an ‘undisclosed location’ that was ‘on a farm upstate.'”
At the press conference, questions were raised about the potato’s fitness for office. “The potato is eminently capable of carrying out the duties required: sitting quietly in the governor’s chair, not doing or saying anything stupid, and letting aides sign legislation on its behalf,” Howell said, “duties that Mr. Reeves was consistently unable to discharge.” He added that, unlike Reeves, the potato would also be able to reinvent itself to connect with younger generations, as a plate of french fries or tots.
When it was pointed out to Howell that replacing a sitting governor without an election was illegal and grossly unconstitutional, he boldly predicted victory for the new potato ticked in the upcoming primary and general elections. “Our supporters are issues-driven, not personality-driven,” he said. “As long as the proper letter is next to the name, they will vote for a bowl of bolognese.”
“Besides,” Howell added, “we have a supermajority. Try and stop us.”