Blog Chain


For the NaNo Excerpt Blog Chain.

Have you ever seen a movie with an audition montage? The kind where it quickly cuts from one awful aspiring actor to another, and throwing in the director’s horrified reactions for good measure, despite his best efforts to maintain his composure?

My first student-teacher conferences were like that.

It’s something I carried over from teaching at Osborn College—over there, we were expected to be the kinder, gentler “good cop” teachers to the “bad cops” that did unpleasant things like fail students and give tests. Composition was about growing your students’ writing abilities, not fascist grades.

I assigned the fascist grades anyway, and just took care to document each step thoroughly, but the idea of a face-to-face conference with each student before each paper was due stuck with me, since freshmen who might otherwise hand in a piece of shit can sometimes be cajoled into improving their work if the instructor is right there. Or at the very least I’ll be able to tell if the shit they hand me has changed appreciably from the shit they had in conference.

To get things rolling, and eager not to repeat the disaster of my short story analysis assignment the previous year at SMU I assigned the kids a movie analysis paper. We didn’t have time to read a novel, and they all would have watched the movie version anyway, so I drew up a list of critically acclaimed movies that met the most crucial criteria of all: I liked them.

The first thing students would do was claim they didn’t have any idea what to write.

“I just don’t know what to write about,” said Ted, who had chosen Braveheart.

“Well, consider the character of William,” I said. “What was his motivation? Why did he do what he did?”

Ted shrugged. “Because he hated the English. That’s all I’ve got right now.”

“Well,” I asked, “Why did William hate the English?”

“Because they were the bad guys,” Ted said.

“Did you even watch the movie, or just read the back of the DVD case?” I wanted to ask. The fact that the conference was being conducted in a coffee shop on campus stayed my tongue.

“Think harder,” I said. Of course, I invariably did all the thinking, using guided language to get the student to realize, seemingly of their own free will, that William Wallace hated the English because they robbed him of the opportunity to live a simple life and raise a family.

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This post is part of the October 2012 Blog Chain at Absolute Write. This month’s prompt is “otherworldly”.

“Look if you’re going to zombify me you’ve got to ask if I’m worth it. I’m all skin and bones and weak knees and pasty freckles and no good at all to any invincible army of the undead. Also I’m all gristle if you try to eat me and as I’m sure you noticed even with all my zomcom nerddom and meeting or exceeding the zombgeist of my generation I can’t hit the broad side of an undead barn.”

“Shhh.” Fext pressed a bony, decaying hand to Dessie’s lips.

She mumbled in reply, unwillingly swallowing her words.

“Do you think,” Fext hissed, “that this was all some sort of an accident, that you keep slipping into this world simply because of all those ridiculous movies you watch?”

“Either that or the fact that I’m also mentally ill and hallucinating at a postgraduate skill level, which has been put forth by more than one acquaintance and trained psychologist not just now but even before the episodes began.” Even the iron grip of an undead master zombie wasn’t enough to keep Dessie from babbling, it seemed.

“Listen. There are no mistakes, no coincidences. My thralls and lieutenants sought you out because you are the nexus point between your wretched world and this glorious paradise of undeath.”

Dessie’s eyes widened. “You mean-”

This time, Fext slapped his entire hand over her mouth; the rubbery texture and stench (to say nothing of the taste of spoiled olives) were almost enough to make Dessie barf. “There are innumerable worlds, Dessie, and the only connection they have is through the human mind. All of your zombie authors, actors, comic book writers…they have shared a deep and primal connection to this world or one much like it.”

“So you want to keep me from warning anyone, to silence my voice-”

Fext’s necrotic brows knitted as he added a second hand over Dessie’s irrepressible word-hole. “More than anything, yes. You see, Dessie, as a nexus between this world and yours, you are a conduit between them. This existence is used up; through you, we can break into an entirely new reality to conquer. And, regrettably, you must be alive–not undead–for the process to begin.”

“That’s it?” Dessie said, easily breaking through Fext’s latest attempt to muzzle her. “That’s why you’ve been chasing me mercilessly? I mean it’s kind of cool and all to be a nexus between a freakin’ zombieworld and my normal boring mundane ‘shut-up-and-eat-your-peas’ world, but it’s not the most original evil plan.”

“I got the idea from a cartoon,” Fext said offhandedly. “But if anyone asks–and they won’t, not after I’ve zombified your world and captured its nexuses to still other worlds–I came up with it myself.”

Check out this month’s other bloggers, all of whom have posted or will post their own responses:
Ralph Pines
randi.lee
Aranenvo
pyrosama
hilaryjacques
meowzbark
slcboston
areteus
dolores haze
SuzanneSeese
bmadsen
Linda Adams
Alynza
BBBurke
SRHowen
Damina Rucci
CJMichaels
wonderactivist
Lady Cat
xcomplex
debranneelliot

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This post is part of the September 2012 Blog Chain at Absolute Write. This month’s prompt is “the number seven”.

1. The Colossus
“Well,” said Chares of Lindia, looking at his gigantic statue snapped at the knees after a massive earthquake, “maybe Helios wasn’t so crazy about the monument we built for him.”

2. The Gardens
“Our ancestors planted these rooftop gardens for a queen that was homesick for a place with plants instead of just a lot of sand,” said Arsaces II, King of Parthia. “I wonder if she was also nostalgic for the giant earthquakes of home. If so, we’ve just done her proud.”

3. The Temple
Respa, Veduc and Thuruar, leaders of the Goth raiders, roasted meat on spits over the temple they’d just set on fire after plundering. “The last time someone burned this place down, he did it so everyone would remember him despite being a nobody,” they said. “Wonder if that’ll work for us, too?”

4. The Statue
“In retrospect,” said Zonaras and Cedrenus, watching the flames, “maybe it wasn’t the best idea to disassemble all the greatest works of art from the Roman world and put them all together in one wooden palace.”

5. The Mausoleum
“What a coincidence,” said Sir Ronald of the Knights of St John of Rhodes. “Here this giant such-and-such has weakened and partly knocked over by centuries of earthquakes, and we just happen to need stone in a hurry to castle the place up.”

6. The Lighthouse

“The two greatest enemies of big stone things around here are earthquakes and people with castles to build,” said Al-Ashraf Sayf al-Din Qaitbay, Sultan of Egypt. “But it’s not like anyone had lit the thing in the last thousand years or so, and my cannons need a safe place to blast the Turks.

7. The Pyramid

“So,” said one Egyptian farmer-laborer in 2550 BC, “how long do you think this ‘Khufu’s Horizon’ tomb we’re building will last?”

“Sure, it might be the tallest thing in the world now, but how long will that last? Plus there’s earthquakes, fire, hostile people on our borders who don’t much care for us,” said his friend. “I give it fifty years, tops, before someone else decides they want to use all this stone for something else.”

The Wonders
Colossus of Rhodes – Toppled in an earthquake, 226 BC (only 64 years after construction)

Hanging Gardens of Babylon – Destroyed by earthquakes ca. 1st century BC

Statue of Zeus at Olympia – Disassembled and moved to Constantinople; destroyed by fire ca. 5th century AD

Temple of Artemis at Ephesus – Burned by Herostratus in 356 BC, plundered and burned again and more thoroughly by the Goths in 262 AD

Mausoleum at Halicarnassus – Heavily damaged or destroyed by earthquakes before 1494 AD; used to build castles afterwards

Lighthouse of Alexandria – Heavily damaged by earthquakes, 1303–1480 AD; used to build castles afterwards

Great Pyramid of Giza – Still in existence; first wonder built, last to survive, tallest building in the world for 3800 years

Ralph Pines
CatherineHall
bmadsen
writingismypassion
areteus
randi.lee
BBBurke
BigWords
pyrosama
SuzanneSeese

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This post is part of the August 2012 Blog Chain at Absolute Write. This month’s prompt is “fire and ice”.

The other night I just about lost it. My dog was pacing endlessly, refusing to go to bed and running downstairs every time I brought him up. I’d taken him out dozens of times during the day and during the night but he’d only gone inside the house where it could be tracked all over. Then my mom called and said she had decided to put the dog, who is technically hers, down not at the end of August but immediately, one week from today. She and my brother fly in today.

Kind of puts things in perspective, having to call the vet and the funeral home to schedule euthanasia and cremation.

In my head, I know she’s right. He has end-stage senile dementia and incontinence that won’t respond to the most powerful medication we can throw at it. Despite or perhaps because of the anipryl, which he’s been on for two weeks, my dog’s sundowner pacing and incontinence have gotten worse. Since I picked him up from the boarder a week ago 75% of his excretions have been in the house, to the point where I had to cover the floor with puppy pads just for my own peace of mind. I’ve gone through nearly 50 pads and 2 bottles of cleaner in that time. And, as happened the other night, sometimes his pacing is so bad that neither of us sleeps a wink.

In my head, I know it’s no kind of life for either of us to live. My dog is always afraid, always confused, and not at all himself. I’m bound to him like a straitjacket, with no ability to live my own life; I have to come home in the middle of the day, I can’t go out at night, I can’t even work out upstairs for more than half an hour. Mopping and Glade plugins can only do so much for the cleanliness of my house when the flow of excrement just won’t stop.

And yet in my heart I am devastated, I am torn apart, by the thought of euthanizing my dog. Despite all my frustrations, when I’m confronted with what our life has become versus his death, I’m almost willing to take that on as a burden. To keep him alive, I’m willing to put up with a level of responsibility that any dog owner or even me circa 2009, would cringe at. I can take it, I tell myself. For his sake.

After all, he’s my mutty buddy who’s lived with me for two years, the puppy who used to run with us on the Lake Michigan sands, the dog who was always so happy to see us that he’d charge back and forth barking with his favorite squirrel toy. He was born into a house of giggling Michigan teenage girls in 1998, named after a character in Titanic, an enthusiastic snowpuppy who used to come in with snow and iceicles matted into his fuzz. Even moving down here to the land of volcanic summers and no winters with my parents abroad, he’s been the only one to greet me, the only one to be happy to see me, the only one who I could hug after a long day in what’s been a very lonely and often depressing period for me.

It may be that we’d do the same for any family member, if we could, who was too far gone mentally to have any quality of life. For me, making those surreal calls to vet and crematorium in which I couldn’t bring myself to use the real words for what I was doing…I can’t honestly say which is worse, not knowing when a loved one may die, of knowing down to the second. The man at the crematoria took pains to tell me how they treat pets like humans, giving them all the dignity and care that they would any other body. He mentioned having to lose his own three dogs, which I appreciated, one pet owner to another.

The vet said I’ll have the option to be there with him at the end. It will destroy me, but I think I should.

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This post is part of the July 2012 Blog Chain at Absolute Write. This month’s prompt is “independence and slavery”.

Like a river winding from its headwaters to the sea, you come from whatever little burg gave you your spark and shake off its dust on the threshold of the city. The big city. The biggest city. It’s always been there, open, inviting, but you’ve only just now taken the time to meet it for longer than a visit.

You’re in the city to stay.

It’s like declaring your independence from circumstance and geography. “I don’t care that I was born in a place where nothing substantive has ever happened,” you’re saying. “I don’t care that it’s impossible to earn a living here as a writer or an artist or a singer. I’m moving to a place where things happen and talent can be rewarded.”

And then you go. You take everything that you’ve been given, from your parents, your friends, your school, everything. You take it and you go.

Suddenly you don’t have to worry about finding something to do tonight. The night is lit up, always, forever with a thousand neon signs and peals of hushed laughter. You’ve declared your independence from boredom, from shyness, from envy: if you feel those here, it’s your own fault for not taking deepest advantage, for not inhaling the sweet acrid city vapors to their fullest.

But even in this independence, deep and full, new chains take hold where the old scars have scarce begun to heal.

Even the city runs on money, on gossip, on superficialities concealed behind bright and inviting smiles. You must still make the rent, only it’s harder now with a thousand hands in your pockets. What so and so did with such and such is exchanged as freely and tenderly as the most bitterly mundane comings and goings back in your small town. People smile more here because it’s expected of them more, at least if they want to get noticed and get ahead. But the dagger in the small of the back is just as sharp when it connects.

The subway, the bus, the tree-lined parkways…in many ways they are new chains, shackling you as surely as distance and time and indifference do in cities that are small enough to walk across. The expectations are still there, hemming you in, only they’re different this time. You must still move a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain way if you want what others have to give. Disappointment is perhaps all the keener because there are so very many opportunities.

The city is independence and slavery made one, just as is the village.

Check out this month’s other bloggers, all of whom have posted or will post their own responses:
knotanes
meowzbark
Ralph Pines
randi.lee
writingismypassion
pyrosama
bmadsen
dclary (blog)
Poppy
areteus
Sweetwheat
ThorHuman
Tex_Maam

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This post is part of the June 2012 Blog Chain at Absolute Write. This month’s prompt is “weird worlds”.

“You’re sure this is the entryway to the High King’s Causeway?” Jennie said. “It looks more like a graffiti-covered outhouse that was so far beyond human control it was simply abandoned.”

The Fáidh took a fresh puff of pipeweed and coughed. “Who’s to say it can’t be both? As anyone who was at Woodstock will agree, an outhouse’s worth lies not without but within. Though some nose-plugging may be advised; remind me to tell you the harrowing tale of Outhouse Row at Woodstock ’94 someday.”

Jennie stuck out her tongue. “Ew. Remind me not to listen.”

“I’ll need absolute concentration to coax the link back from the the Gentle Embrace, unless you fancy using the next terminus over which is a sewer runoff pipe. Keep the others quiet.” The Fáidh breathed deeply from his pipe once more, swayed gently, and began the ritual.

To Jennie it looked like he was pressing his hands to that unspeakable surface and singing the Rolling Stones in a loud, out-of-tune voice. “I’m just mortal clay, what do I know?” she sighed. In the meantime, it occurred to her that the Fáidh’s request might be a tad difficult.

Syke the androdryad paced sullenly near the wall, looking uncomfortable in the track suit Jennie had thrown on him and glaring at any of the tourists and other passersby who stared at the fig sapling poking out of his knapsack. “Oy, clay!” he cried at one particularly pernicious starer. “What are you glaring at? The son of Oxylus and Hamadryas isn’t a spectacle for rubbernecking clay like yourself!”

Jennie rushed over to calm him down. Considering that the fig tree was his actual substance, and the young man only its metaphysical spirit given form, she tried not to be too rough (or, heaven forbid, knock any leaves off the sapling). When Syke grabbed the offending tourist by his Arsenal FC jersey, though, Jennie all but tackled him as she pushed them apart.

Behind her, Jennie could make out Cary the motile caryatid column accosting another passerby. As a 3000-year-old stone statue, Cary’s disguise was already flimsy: thrift store clothes, foundation makeup, a hat and sunglasses. Cary’d reminded Jennie of a sorority girl earlier, gushing over the fabrics and weaves of people who had visited the Orb of Prophecy the column had been sworn to guard (until it was stolen out from under her). Now Cary was acting like one, trying to persuade a tourist to swap a designer top for a bulk thrift store sweater.

“Oh, that’s such a cute top! Is it sea silk or maybe saffron or gold thread? I just love fabrics, all kinds, every kind, always, forever! Do you think I could try it on? You can have my ratty old secondhand dump sweater for collateral; it’d look so cute on you! But not as cute at that top would look on me…”

Jennie had barely set the Arsenal FC fan on his way before she had to sprint over and keep Cary from bodily snatching the poor tourist’s clothes—easier said than done when the statue weighed somewhere north of a thousand pounds. But she was able to interject herself in such a way that the harried pedestrian could make her escape.

“At least tell me where you got it!” Cary cried forlornly to no reply.

Jennie corralled the two mythological malefactors back to the Fáidh just as the older man completed his incantation. Muttering something about he and Jennie having very different definitions of “quiet,” he flung the outhouse door open, revealing not an unspeakable loo but a long stone corridor paved with hexagons and lit by the lazily drifting blue fireflies. The Fáidh entered, as did Syke and Cary.

Jennie hesitated on the threshold. “I’m about to follow a stoner wizard, an angry young fig tree, and a sorority girl made from solid marble through an outhouse door into a mythical realm to follow a wax model of Éamon de Valera that stole from me in the National Irish Wax Museum. Somewhere, somehow, my decision-making paradigm took a real turn for the weird.”

Check out this month’s other bloggers, all of whom have posted or will post their own responses:
dclary (comic)
Proach
MelodySRV
pyrosama
areteus
Diana_Rajchel
writingismypassion
randi.lee
magicmint
Sweetwheat
AFord
dclary (blog)

This post is part of the May 2012 Blog Chain at Absolute Write. This month’s prompt is “zompocalypse now”.

“I’m not crazy.” There was nothing, not even high-pitched screaming street corner gibberish, that sounded crazier than that statement, Dessie decided the moment she heard it.

“We don’t like to assign terms to things here,” the psychologist said. “Just tell me about these ‘reality shifts’ you’ve been seeing.”

“Well, everybody knows that I’m into macabre stuff like zombies in a big way,” said Dessie, excitedly. “I mean, my last birthday cake was green and it had little plastic body parts sticking out of it. I’ve got a full set of George Romero films, and a complete (signed!) first edition run of Zomcomix. That goes for like a hundred bucks on eBay, unsigned!”

“Uh-huh.” The psychologist’s old-fashioned fountain pen made an unpleasant scratching sound as it worked over his notebook. “Go on.”

“The other day I started seeing some zombies for real. I knew they were real because if anyone would know them by sight it would be me and because the Zombie Walk isn’t until next month. I’ve already got my costume, it squirts real fake blood and everything.” Dessie took a deep breath. “They chase me just like the do in the movies and I see a few people that I recognize only they’ve been zombified and now they’re trying to get me too.”

It sounded even crazier when she put it that way; Dessie was sure the psychologist was scratching something about hallucinations and paranoid delusions. “So you’re seeing them in your everyday life, then?” the psychologist said, sounding bored.

“No, not like they’re popping up in the normal world, no. It’s like the whole world goes 100% Dawn of the Dead 28 Days Later with the burnt-out buildings and the wrecked cars and even a few survivors with big guns on rooftops. It’s like I’m, I dunno, in a world where the long prophesied (and some people say, for me, long awaited but I don’t really think like that and want everybody to die or anything) zombie apocalypse happened a month or two ago. A total shift in my reality.”

“And this reality shifting happens…often?” The painful scratching of pen on expensive paper continued.

“At first there was a good long gap between them, so much so that I thought the first one might just have been a hallucination or an episode maybe caused by stress or overwork (it’s finals time) but then it happened again and I think but I’m not sure that the time between them is getting shorter.” Dessie took another deep breath. “So I’m not crazy, I’m just slipping into a zombie world and spending more and more time there.”

More pen scratching, but no further word from the psychologist.

“Well, what do you think? You’re writing that I’m crazy on that thing, aren’t you? Aren’t you? I just told you in plain English that I’m not crazy (even though I know how crazy that sounds) and I set out what’s been happening very plainly (even though I know that sounds even crazier than me saying I’m not crazy), so the least you could do is say something reassuring along the lines of ‘I’m not crazy.'”

The scratchings were particularly violent now, as if the psychologist were jamming his pen into the paper in a frenzy of analysis.

“Well?” Dessie said. She sat up on the diagnosis couch and looked over at the psychologist. “It’s very rude of you to sit there and write while there’s an ever-present chance I might-”

Looking up, the psychologist revealed a dead and chalk-grey face, scratching and chewing at what appeared to be his secretary’s arm, still clutching a little bit of pink memo. The office was a wreck, with peeling wallpaper and a hole in the ceiling, while the diagnosis couch was red not from velvet but from blood.

“-slip into the zombieworld again.”

Check out this month’s other bloggers, all of whom have posted or will post their own responses:
dclary
randi.lee
Ralph Pines
kimberlycreates
writingismypassion
dclary (again)
Penelope
SinisterCola
PragmaticPimp
magicmint
Diana_Rajchel
SuzanneSeese
AFord
J.W.Alden
Nissie
MonkeyQueen
areteus
pyrosama

This post is part of the April 2012 Blog Chain at Absolute Write. This month’s prompt is “dead bunnies” (!).

NEWSCASTER: And what do you have to say about the allegations that have been made recently that your firm was deliberately selling diseased rabbits as laboratory animals or pets, and that your grade-school dissection specimens were similarly unsafe?

DR. PIKE: I’d like to take this opportunity to assure you and the viewing public at home that these rumors are completely baseless. At Lapine Industries, we hold ourselves to the highest standards of genetic engineering, breeding, and overall cleanliness.

NEWSCASTER: And the reports of Lapine Industries rabbits, both live and cadaver, attacking customers and schoolchildren?

DR. PIKE: As I said, completely baseless.

NEWSCASTER: We have some footage here acquired through our affiliate WRBT in Cascadia, Michigan.

[grainy image of a elementary school science classroom]

SCHOOLCHILD: What’s wrong with Mr. Fluffy?

TEACHER: Get back, children!

[a blur of white streaked with crimson flashes in front of the camera followed by a scream]

TEACHER: My God, it got Jeannie!

[sound of a 12-gauge round being chambered]

TEACHER: Chew on this!

[gunshot; dark fluid coats camera, obscuring visuals]

TEACHER, CHILDREN: [indistinct screaming]

[recording ends]

NEWSCASTER: Dr. Pike?

DR. PIKE: Those could be anyone’s rabbits.

NEWSCASTER: Looks like we’ve got our first caller. Hello, you’re on Soft Copy 360.

CALLER: [frantic and out of breath] We heard that there might be a problem, so we buried our dissection rabbits meant for seventh-grade biology.

DR. PIKE: Now, I can assure you that was an unnecessary-

CALLER: [interrupting] They came back! Do you hear me? THEY CAME BACK! They’re at the barricades right now…I don’t know how long we can hold them off! I think they infected some of the local rabbits too-

NEWSCASTER: Caller, can you speak up? We’re having trouble hearing you.

[indistinct screaming, growling, gunshots audible]

CALLER: Oh God, they’re everywhere! Drooling green slime, faster than we can track them or shoot…please, send help! Call the National Guard! We’re about to be overrun with killer zombie rabbits from hell!

DR. PIKE: Now, I don’t think that’s a fair characterization of a Lapine Industries product. We have rigorous safety procedures in place and offer 24/7 online customer support. Have you tried reading the storage and care instructions that came with your rabbit cadavers, and are you sure that they were sourced from Lapine Industries?

CALLER: [panicking] No, no, aim for the head!

[more growling, screaming; line abruptly goes dead]

NEWSCASTER: Dr. Pike, any comment?

DR. PIKE: Clearly an isolated incident, probably caused by improper handling.

Check out this month’s other bloggers, all of whom have posted or will post their own responses:
KatieJ
Ralph Pines
kiwiviktor81
Nissie
SuzanneSeese
pyrosama
Bogna
dclary
randi.lee
julzperri
Penelope
AFord
Araenvo
areteus
magicmint
Joliedupre

This post is part of the March 2012 Blog Chain at Absolute Write. This month’s prompt is “rainy days.”

Mikey sighed. Maybe the science channel and the encyclopedia had let him down; maybe there wasn’t something unusual and mysterious under every rock. But, darn it, he’d come close and it hurt bitterly to have to go back home, back to Dave, empty handed. There’d been a whisper of truth in all of Elliot and Natalie’s leads–the giant worm hole that was really a drainpipe, the mystery whirlpool caused by the school sprinkler system, the tree shadows that looked like a man–but none of them were even close to the unexplainable phenomenon he’d promised to bring back to his know-it-all brother.

“You don’t think that, maybe we might be able to find some more leads, do you?” he said.

Elliot rubbed his neck. “Maybe later, Mikey. It’s getting kinda late, you know, almost dinnertime.”

“Yeah, maybe later,” Natalie said. “Come on, Mikey, we’ll ride you home.”

The quickest way to Mikey’s house led through downtown—or, more accurately, behind downtown. In small, rural places like that, downtowns were often only a single street, fading into the surrounding residential neighborhoods. There was a wide, muddy alleyway behind the shops, many of which had closed and been boarded up, that neighborhood kids would sometimes use as a shortcut; on an impulse, Mikey darted his bike in, followed closely by his friends.

There hadn’t been so much as a cloudburst for weeks, so the alley was dry and hard packed, save for a damp spot behind the old hardware store. As Mikey sped through, he felt a light dusting of raindrops on his face. Letting his pace slack a bit, he looked up; the sky was as warm and bright and clear as it had been when they left the school.

“Hold on a sec!” he cried, bringing his bike to an abrupt stop.

Elliot and Natalie pulled up behind him. “What’s the matter?” he heard one of them say.

“It’s raining here,” Mikey said. “Feel the drops? Like just before it starts to pour, when it’s all gray out?”

Natalie stepped forward, arms outstretched; her hands came away slightly damp. “Yeah, I can feel it!”

“Me too,” Elliot said, looking up. “And not a cloud in the sky! Where d’you think it’s coming from, Mikey?” he said. “Mikey?”

But Mikey was already running toward the old fire escape, on the back of the hardware store. He charged up, heedless of his friends’ calls. The roof was paved with gravel, and a few rusty chimneys stuck up here and there, but the whole was bone dry. Looking out over the rest of the block, he couldn’t see any clouds, any standing water, any leaking pipes. There didn’t seem to be anywhere that the water could be coming from.

“It’s rain from nowhere,” he said, climbing down. “That’s what it is. We were running all over town looking for it, and here it is right under our noses: water from nowhere.”

“You mean…” Natalie said.

“Look for yourself!” Mikey cried. “It’s not coming from anywhere!” He did a little dance among the light, misty drops. “This is it! We’ve found our unexplainable mystery!”

Check out this month’s other bloggers, all of whom have posted or will post their own responses:
Bogna
Ralph Pines
Nissie
Lyra Jean
Domoviye
magicmint
areteus
julzperri
hillaryjacques
Turndog-Millionaire
AFord
pyrosama
Tomspy77
J. W. Alden

This post is part of the February 2012 Blog Chain at Absolute Write. This month’s prompt is “second chances.”

I had prepared very carefully, from packing everything days in advance to dropping the dog off at the kennel early to renting a car to get me to the airport as well as run those last few crucial errands. I even bought an extra waterproof camera the night before I left, remembering that I’d used up all my shots early last year.

Yet as I got up at 4am to be at the airport bright and early for my 7am flight, I had a vague feeling that I was forgetting something. It wasn’t until I was at the airport, staring at the electronic ticket kiosk, that the circuit finally closed.

My passport was sitting in a drawer at home, 90 minutes away.

I was trying to board an international flight.

People who work the ticket counters must get a lot of sob stories (even if most probably come from people trying to avoid paying a $25 baggage charge). I think the fact that I was trembling uncontrollably from sheer overwhelming stress did a lot to lend credence to my tale of woe. As my house was a 120-minute round trip away, and I had an hour until boarding, you can probably see where I was coming from there.

I hoped that the Dominican Republic might be like Mexico at El Paso in 2000, when all I needed was a driver’s license–but no, not in this age of international shoe and underwear bombs. The lady at the counter instead booked me for the second and final flight from the USA to Punta Cana, which left from Philadelphia at 10pm.

“I’m shocked that there’s another flight,” I said, with no small measure of relief.

“I’m as surprised as you are,” she said. “You have three and a half hours to get back here with your passport.”

Lucky for me I’d chosen to rent a car instead of taking a taxi–I really would have been out of luck then. Even if I’d been able to hire another ride, I doubt that any taxi driver would have been willing to violate the speed limit as flagrantly as I did on my way home. The trip usually takes 90 minutes one way; I did a round trip in nearly the same amount of time. I actually only missed my original flight by about a half-hour.

I introduced myself to the baggage handler as “the unfortunate with a tale of woe” as she reflected how quick my passage had been. The gate agent had changed shifts, with the matronly and helpful agent who rebooked my flight replaced with a male agent more or less my own age.

“You’re lucky she did that for you,” he sneered as my itinerary printed. “Normally, ‘I forgot my passport’ isn’t an excuse for waiving a rebooking fee.” I was able to make it to the gate without injuring him, an action which I believe qualifies me for a Nobel.

That aside, I wasn’t out of the woods yet. Bizarrely, my path took me further away from the Dominican Republic–first to Charlotte and then to Philly. Each connection was super-tight, less than 45 minutes from arrival to boarding. A delay of any kind would have stranded me overnight.

Amazingly, both flights were not only on time, they were early. 30 minutes early, both of them, a feat probably never equaled before or since in this age of delays and just-in-time arrivals. I had enough time to buy lunch and dinner and keep my family up to date on my progress via text.

Whoever scheduled the USA-Punta Cana flights clearly did so under the influence of powerful narcotics. There were two a day: one from Charlotte arriving around 5, and one from Philly rolling in around 10pm, long after the airport had basically shut down. When my flight landed (also 30 minutes early!) my tour company had long packed it in. The only fluent English speaker I could find (other than my fellow passengers) was a German expat working for another tour company who confirmed that a $70 taxi ride to my resort was the only option.

I split the ride part of the way with a couple from Connecticut (interestingly both academics, like me) but once they were dropped off at their rented Punta Cana townhouse it was just me and the driver with only my high school Spanish and his handful of phrases between us. I was, understandably, a bit nervous.

It didn’t help that he clearly had no idea where the resort was. We stopped three times for directions–a gas station, the Connecticut townhouse, and a police post–and most of the route looked to be raw, howling wilderness. I felt like I was being driven to the ends of the earth, and it was all I could do to maintain a cheery facade by tapping my bag along with the Caribbean beat in the van’s speakers.

Needless to say, I was so relieved when my resort appeared that I paid the asking fare, $80, without even haggling. The driver attempted to negotiate an airport return in a week, but I left him at the front desk while I went to my room, where my brother was already checked in, and basically collapsed.

But you know what? Aside from my slip, which I attribute to lack of sleep more so than anything, I was extraordinarily lucky. I got a second chance at my long-awaited tropical paradise vacation with my family, and I seized it. The rest of the week seemed like a beautiful waking dream, made all the sweeter by the fact that I almost missed it.

Check out this month’s other bloggers, all of whom have posted or will post their own responses:
Turndog-Millionaire
Ralph Pines
magicmint
Tomspy77
MamaStrong
in_one
LilGreenBookworm
Literateparakeet
Diana Rajchel
sambgood
Bogna
writingismypassion
kiwiviktor81
AFord
randi.lee
Areteus
Domoviye
pyrosama

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