Walt moved to close his sock drawer, bringing it flush with the others and restoring his meticlously organized room to harmony.

“No,” he whispered, gripping the knob. “No, dammit, no. I’m tired of this–tired of the cleaning, the handwashing, the rituals. If I can leave this drawer open all day, it’s the first step toward getting my OCD under control.”

Wrenching his trembling fingers off of the knob, Walk staggered downstairs and, by sheer force of will, finished getting ready. He had to stare at the front door for nearly ten minutes before getting it open, and the drive to the office would have been impossible if he didn’t have the route deeply engrained in his muscle memory.

Walt’s day was agony. The open sock drawer mocked him, taunted him, gnawing at the edge of his consciousness until everything else was hammered away. Beginning as a pebble in his shoe, the feeling soon metamorphosed into an unscratchable insect bite; by clocking out time, Walt was seeing unopened drawers everywhere. It was a seed of chaos, disrupting his whole life.

“It’s time to end this,” he sighed.

Getting into his 2007 drawer, Walt drove down the drawerway, stopped at the drawer light, and waited impatiently for the drawer gates to open at his apartment complex. Taking the drawers two at a time as he ran up to the second floor, Walt practically kicked down the drawer.

His room was just as he had left it, complete with the abomination hanging, unclosed. Making a mockery of him, and everything he stood for.

“I should have done this ages ago.” Walt reached up, took the handles…

…and yanked the drawer out of his dresser. With a grunt, he brained it against the wall, smashing it in an explosion of socks and pressboard.

“That’s what you get,” he panted heavily. “Stupid drawer, ruining my whole day.”

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There once was a young man called Maycos. Maycos’ father, his grandfather, and his great-grandfather had all borne that name, and in it he found great comfort. For to be named Maycos was to be connected with all the members of his family that had passed on, and those that had yet to be born.

Maycos worked as a humble bricklayer in a great city. He mixed the mortar and carefully set each stone in place, always taking pride in his work even though it brought him little happiness. The other bricklayers were often envious, since Maycos’ bricks were always laid straight and level, layer after layer. But since they worked faster than he did, the other bricklayers often found more work, and work was hard to come by. For the city was in the grip of hard times—there was little money, and many went hungry.

To pass the time, Maycos collected chips of broken bricks from the kiln where he sometimes worked. The money was very poor—even worse than bricklaying—but the broken bricks were much more important to Maycos than the whole ones. He would take them home to the tiny apartment that he shared with his mother and grandfather, and lay them in a pile on the roof. Once enough pieces of bricks were there, Maycos would mix up some mortar and carefully put the chips together to form pictures.

His grandfather, who had been a bricklayer himself until he was too old, once suggested that Maycos sell the small brick and mortar pictures that he made. But Maycos thought that no one would want to buy pictures made of broken bricks—they would prefer paintings or statues of fine marble. He also knew that times were bad for everyone in the city, and even the richest man in town, who lived on top of the tallest building, had to carefully save his money.

Maycos carefully saved what little money he made from bricklaying and making bricks and gave it to his mother and grandfather, for since his father’s death he was the little family’s sole support. He always carefully took the smallest portions of food at dinnertime, and only took time for himself when there was no work to be done. In addition to his brick pictures, Maycos read many books from the library, though he was always careful to return them early, because he could not afford to pay the fines.

Through reading, Maycos came to know many things—the history of his city, the names of birds and beasts, great men and women of the past, even how to make things and sail ships on the ocean, which he had never seen. Sometimes, Maycos thought that he would like to be a sailor, or to study animals. But, his father and his grandfather had been bricklayers, and that was all the family knew. Maycos was willing to be a bricklayer since it was all he had ever known and he needed to provide for his mother and grandfather. But sometimes, late at night when the others were asleep, he would look out the window at the lights of the sleeping city and wish that his was a different life.

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“And this,” said the CEO, “is Cuthbert, our secret weapon here at Harrison Omni Products.”

“What’s that?” said Cuthbert, putting a hand to his ear. “Fur-covered heating ducts?”

“Write that one down,” the CEO snapped to his toady. “Animal-patterned covers for heating and cooling ducts. It’s genius, we’ll sell a million of ’em.”

“…really?” said Helmquist. “Really? Your secret is a deaf guy?”

“Not deaf,” snapped the CEO. “Just hard of hearing. Depending on the acoustics and how you talk he can hear fine. But it’s when what you say is just out of his hearing range that he mishears things in spectacularly creative–and profitable–ways.”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“Huh? A pot of kitty litter?” said Cuthbert. “Talk a little louder, I can’t quite hear you.”

“Write that down,” the CEO said again.

“What possible profit could be had from a pot of kitty litter?” cried Helmquist.

“Don’t knock any of Cuthbert’s ideas,” said the CEO brightly. “Not a single one, no matter how farfetched. When we were going out for movie night, he misheard ‘Clint Eastwood’ as ‘penis whistle.’ That little gem of an idea has cornered the market on gag gifts for bachelorette parties.”

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“Only minds and the contents of minds truly exist–or rather, they are the only things we, as minds ourselves, can assume to exist,” said Beulah.

“Yes, yes, I know all about Berkeleian idealism,” Mayra said. “I’ve read Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius, even if I’m not sure how to pronounce it.”

“Use a longer ‘O’ sound for the ‘ö,'” said Beulah, still leading Mayra through the elaborate IDC security checks. “But you’ve got the right idea: anything that enough people think of becomes real.”

“Regardless, you still haven’t told me what the Idealism Control Bureau does.” The IDC agents handed Mayra her bag, thoroughly inspected, and she followed Beulah beneath a sign that said RECEIVING.

“The IDC is in charge of cleaning up the mess that happens when too many people have an idiotic idea. And, despite what you would imagine, it happens just as often to smart people as idiots.” Beulah gave Mayra an airy look. “Sometimes more often in point of fact.”

“And what exactly, does that entail?” asked Mayra, a bit sick of Beulah’s constant, if low-key, insults.

“Perhaps it’s easier to just show you.” Beulah opened a door and led Mayra into what looked like a pen for small animals with a fenced-in observation area. “These were brought in this morning, from a Metromart in Virginia.”

“What the-” Mayra began, before taking a closer look. “Ugh! How hideous!”

Several large brown cubes, brown and furred, lay across the floor on a bedding of loose straw. About a foot square, they appeared to be some kind of avant-garde taxidermy until one rolled over to reveal four stubby paws and a mewling feline face. One side of each cube was hollow, with a circular opening leading into an internal cavity with a leathery texture.

“What the hell are those?”

“They are the result of pedants obsessed with punctuation and style coming across a poorly-kerned product label in the Metromart pet section,” chuckled Beulah. “For an ‘imitation leather cat ottoman.'”

“So…those are leather cat ottomans?” said Mayra.

“Hardly. They’re imitations, as I said.”

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“What? Why would you bring us back here?” Jon cried. “After everything I did to get you out of there…we have to go, now!”

He tried to lean over to grapple for control of the car, but was interrupted by a sudden sheet of flame which erupted from the back seat, filling the car with acrid smoke and causing the exposed metal to glow cherry red almost immediately. Jon and Laure spilled out the doors, the latter coughing violently.

“The house doesn’t want me, Jon,” Laura said, walking slowly through the smoke and sparks of the car’s spontaneous combustion. “It never wanted me.”

Jon waved her back in fear, still doubled over from smoke inhalation. “That can’t be…you were there…I saved you…”

Laura gestured to the house, looming silent and dark in the dusk a few paces away. “I don’t know if it was denial, or naivete, or projection, or what. But you were so dead-set on ‘protecting’ me that you didn’t see. You couldn’t see.”

In trying to respond, Jon was racked with another fit of coughs.

“It’s been you all along, Jon. It’s you the house wants.” Laura seized the nape of Jon’s collar and dragged him toward the door of the house they had recently given everything–even lives–to escape.

In his weakened state, Jon could only offer feeble resistance. He tried to dig in his heels, to fight off Laura’s iron grip, but in moments he found himself bodily up against the front door, with its ominous brass accoutrements leering at him from all angles.

Laura’s hand was on the doorknob. “It’s the only way to get our lives back, to stop the madness.”

“No! Don’t!”

“I’m sorry.”

The door swung open, but instead of the entrance hall with its tattered drapes and forlorn chandelier, there was–impossibly–a yawning abyss speckled with starlike points of light. Jon tottered on the threshold for a moment, clawing at the doorjamb, before toppling forward. Spinning end over end, he was quickly lost in the darkness, a point of light among the others claimed by the darkness.

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Since the first of us stood up in the Great Rift Valley, humans were obsessed with how their world will end. Eschatology, the study of the end times, has been at the root of major religions, scientific initiatives, and lunatics shouting on street corners. Ragnarok and Rapture, Big Crunch and heat death, there was no shortage of ideas on every step of the continuum betwixt science and faith.

Would anyone have guessed that the end would come through the gradual unraveling of reality?

It started in the densest and most populated places. People started noticing areas in which time slowed, gravity behaved erratically, and light did not refract properly. They were regarded as mere curiosities until they began to grow. What had been a simple fuzzing of light at the center of the anomalies soon became utter blackness, only fading into focus and light at the edge of each anomaly.

In time, they grew to consume most of the urban areas, leaving only treacherous ruins and parts of skyscrapers hanging impossibly amid the abyss. Anyone entering–or falling into–one of the anomalies was never seen again; experiments with ropes and pulleys came to naught. New ones formed as well, with the only one piece of apparent rhyme or reason to their emergence: they seemed to appear where humans congregated most thickly. City life quickly became intensely dangerous: trading the safety of pastoralism for comfort could mean vanishing into a hole in the fabric of reality.

Perhaps the effect was inevitable, a natural function of the universe never before observed. In that case, assigning fault would be like blaming a man for a thunderstorm. But there was no shortage of theories as to why the perceivable universe seemed to be rotting from the inside out.

Animals were occasionally seen to emerge from the anomalies after entering, for one, suggesting that all or part of the phenomenon was limited to humans and their constructs. Some argue that the very act of human perception and cognition, especially when concentrated, has overwhelmed some sort of natural balance. Those of a philosophical/religious bent have seen in the decay the fulfillment of any number of prophecies.

All that’s certain is that the decay continues at an accelerated rate.

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The Second Siege

In late 1011, the Second City’s leadership decided to strike first. Arming a group of Outsiders with weapons from the City, they claimed that the resulting attack was a clear violation of the bond between the two. The Second City’s army, supported by its army and air force, quickly moved down the coast toward the City. The main force of the Citizens’ Army met the Second Citizens near the mouth of the Rane River, and the result was a catastrophe. Despite outnumbering the Second Citizens nearly two to one, the City’s force was annihilated. As the Mayor and Council struggled to organize a defense, the Second City’s forces cut a swath across the Farmlands and by the end of the year had reached the outskirts of the City itself.

A heroic defense, mounted in the eleventh hour, prevented the Second Citizens from encircling the City, though the Second Navy was able to destroy the City’s docks and occupy the bay. For the next two years, the Second Citizens would fruitlessly attempt to break the defense lines around the City, and at times aimed dagger thrusts at the City center itself. The City was under constant bombardment from land and sea, and air raids occurred nightly.

As before, the City was able to trade with Outsiders for badly needed materials, and hired thousands as mercenaries with the promise of citizenship. Meanwhile, agents of the City attempted to stir the Second City’s chattel laborers to rebellion, forcing the Second Army to garrison troops throughout its own areas. In the meantime, the Citizens’ Army and Mayor built up their forces for a counterattack.

1013 saw the counterattack launched, and the brilliant maneuver shattered the besieging forces. The Second City lost the cream of its army and military material in the Battle of the Outskirts, and was soon pushed back to its own borders. The City now adapted the tactics of its adversary, and launched continual combined-arms attacks on the Second City and its environs. By 1015, the Second City and Second Farmlands were in ruins. Many of the survivors fled into the Outlands in small groups, attempting to blend in with the very people they had treated so poorly. The top military and political leaders of the Second City were executed, and its territory was annexed and appended to the Farmlands. The Second City itself, damaged beyond repair, was razed.

The New Order

The devastating events of the Second Siege led to a sea change in the City’s politics. Fear of external invasion, compounded by the massive industries built by the war, led the Mayor to begin a permanent program of Outsider pacification. While trade continued, this meant that many of the City’s goods were provided to Outsiders free of charge, provided that they did not attempt to make war on the City or the Farmlands.

In the meantime, technological development had been jump-started by the conflict, and by 1175 was approaching that which legend ascribed to the Precursor City. At the same time, life expectancy in the City began to plateau; further research determined that the City’s massive use of electricity and artificial light invariably caused terminal melanoma after a certain level of exposure, For most Citizens, this meant that the absolute limit of their life was now approximately 100 years, and for many others with less tolerance, death came much younger.

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“Welcome to the Copy Shop of Graglock the Wise! What’ll it be, sir?”

“I need 150 black and white copies of this spell, 150 color copies of this scroll, and 150 double-sided copies of these hexes.”

“Would you like them on standard parchment? We also have papyrus, vellum, 70 weight dragonskin, Dreadfiber, and mithrilstock.”

“All of it on standard parchment.”

“Are you sure? The vellum holds up better in continental climates, the papyrus is guaranteed for 3000 years, the dragonskin is fire retardant…”

“Stop trying to upsell me. Can you do it or not?”

“Well, we can have Xeroxes the scribe copy your spell with his enchanted quill, though he is low on toner and the copies are coming out a little fuzzy. It’ll be done by the end of the day.”

“And what about the rest?”

“Well, we need at least 24 hours to do color copying, since the ink takes time to mix and it takes a team of four scribes. Cee, Emm, Why, and Kay have been grumbling about overtime, too.”

“And the double-sided hexes? What about those?”

“Our double-sided color scribe isn’t working right now. We can do one side and then put it back in to do the other, but I’m not going to lie, that could cause ha;f of the hex to be upside down.”

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Pants in parking lot
Feared for what they might have seen
Forever unclaimed

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First place contestants will receive free will call front row seat tickets to one of this weekend’s events being held at Southern Michigan University’s James Newell Osterberg, Jr. Center for the Performing Arts. On Saturday, the Hopewell Philharmonic will present its annual “Atonal Days” concert, with a program of aleatoric music, musique concrète, and an innovative sonic feedback loop performance of John Cage’s 4’33”; earplugs will be sold at the door. On Sunday, the nation’s largest left-leaning publicly funded broadcaster, National Socialist Radio, will bring its acclaimed “Haughty Revue” program to SMU: a full hour of highly educated people drunk on their own sense of self-worth will follow.

Second place contestants will receive a $100 gift certificate to the Rocky Mountain Oyster Factory. Whether you like them braised or barbecued, sauteed or steamed, Rocky Mountain Oyster Factory will fix you a heaping plate of your favorites. Don’t forget a side lamb fries and a fresh-sqeezed glass of bull juice!

Third place contestants will receive a $25 gift card to Stubb’s Coffee, good at all locations in town except the one in the SMU student union (which, despite Stubb’s staffers, branding, and coffee products is not a “real” Stubb’s).

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