ANNOUNCER: This Thursday, your favorite treasure hunters return for an all-new season, and the pickings are good.
THOM: What’s this on the underside of your table here?
HOARDER: Not sure. Picked it in ’79.
STAN: It’s a rare hymolymph crystalline crust. Give you $100 for it!
HOARDER: Make it $150 and you got a deal.
ANNOUNCER: This time, the stakes are higher…
THOM: We’ve heard you have a collection of rare squamous gelatins on your bathroom wall. May we come in?
HOARDER: No! Get off my property before I get me shotgun!
ANNOUNCER: …and the picks are juicier.
STAN: We don’t just deal with classic picks, you know. The hospital says you have mucosal nasalitis, and we’d love to pick your collection for cash.
HOARDER: Music to my sinuses!
ANNOUNCER: All in the new season of American Nose Pickers, premiering this Thursday on the Archives Channel. The Archaeology Channel: if it weren’t for the name, you’d never know we had ever been about archaeology instead of reality shows.
