Dear [name unreadable],

Well, here’s the thing. The Dark Lord Eden Soulrune was supposed to attempt to take over the word and from thus the cosmos in 1988 as foretold by the great prophet Victor Paradox. You might have heard of him; he had a stage show in Vegas for a while.

Anyway, prophecies are generally pretty ironclad about stuff like that, but there was a…well, a hiccup. Let’s just say that two things no prophet has ever been able to predict are the Dow Jones Industrial Average and stress-induced myocardial infarctions. Lord Eden’s financial empire was wiped out by Black Monday in 1987, and he died of a heart attack (the man was evil but he did love his donuts) while raising money and manpower in Zaire.

So the upshot is, there won’t be a need for another Chosen One until the next Dark Lord arises after the next Great Cycle of Being starts in 2024. And the thing about Chosen Ones is that thy kinda need to develop their powers before a certain age. You know how kids can’t talk if they don’t get taught before a certain age? It’s kind of like that.

So we’ve kind of got a Chosen One that we can’t really do anything with. Sorry about getting your hopes up and all that. Mind living an ordinary life from here on out? Thanks.

Yours,
No-Au Ogkrug
Grand Celestial Architect Wizard Esquire

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