July 22, 2013

From “Roll to Save Against Garbage Dragons” by Kunau Rayson

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“Okay, I step forward into the municipal dump, keeping an eye out for the assassination contract,” said Arimo Warraven.

“Roll a d19 to see if you notice anything,” said the game master, Kotak Bravequest.

Arimo let his d19, hand-carved from dragonbone, fall to the table, where it rattled the miniatures and the piles of oily rags representing the dump. “2. Gods and their pasty asses!”

“You see nothing amiss,” said Kotak, grinning. “Sirne?”

Sirne Strikerider tapped his brow thoughtfully. “I throw a water balloon into the dump using my slingshot.”

“Okay, give me a d19 to see if you hit anything, and a d7 to see how much splash damage it does if it hits anything.”

“Is there anything to hit?” asked Sirne, his dove-white brows knitted in concern as he rolled. “17 and 1.”

“You’ll know soon enough.” Kotak leaned back in his chair, hand-hewn by his grandfather from the God-Tree of Elddir. “That’s a miss. Your water balloon doesn’t hit anything…but the splash alerts the garbage dragon that was hiding in the mound of refuse. It attacks with its sewer-gas breath! Roll to save against odor-based attacks.”

“Did you ever stop to think that, with all the garbage dragon and file cabinet kobald and gas station goblin attacks, the people in the Papers & Paychecks would never have survived long enough to get back to their apartments, much less create a civilization that’s hundreds of years ahead of our own?” said Arimo.

“It would probably be a lot like real life, with 90% of what they do being serf-work or studying for Scholam Magicum exams,” added Sirne.

“And that would be boring as hell, wouldn’t it?” Kotak replied. “Just for that, the sound of the dragon attracts two garbage Army Rangers from their patrol. Roll initiative.”

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March 22, 2013

From “The Level 30 Librarian” by Altos Wexan

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Sourced from the Ruins & Rogues Adventurer’s Guidebook, 2nd Edition

Librarian Sub-Classes

At level 30 librarians earn their usual 1 skill point but also gain 100 hit points and an extra equipment slot. At this point they may also choose one of the following sub-classes:

Booksassin
Stealthy and deadly, the Booksassin moves as silently as a turned page and strikes as deeply and unexpectedly as a papercut. This sub-class focuses on speed, surprise, and damage at the expense of durability, legibility, and archival quality. Booksassins may use the Tome Travel ability once per day to travel through bookshelves as if casting a teleport spell of equivalent level and do automatic quintuple damage upon emerging from one.

Dewey Deathimal
The Dewey Deathimal classifies and shelves hard-hitting magical and quasi-magical attacks, casting them over a wide area like a shush quiets an unruly mob. This sub-class focuses on intelligence-based area of effect attack spells at the expense of granularity, adaptability, and clarity. Once per day, the Dewey Deathimal may use Books to Bats, which causes all nearby tomes to animate, flap through the air, and descend on all targets in a designated area bringing death from a thousand papercuts.

Bibliothief
As punishing as an overdue library book and as well-stocked as a private college library, the Bibliothief focuses on collection development at all costs. This grants major bonuses to the Acquisitions and Prestidigitation skills at the cost of Cataloging and Circulation. Bibliothieves can use the Bookwalk ability to walk across the tops of shelves and gain a bonus to all Book Acquisition rolls (which the sub-class can apply to any item with words on it, not just books).

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December 20, 2010

From “The Ricitill Always Knocks Softly” by Keenan T. Roewes

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“The Ricitill knocks politely at the door,” said Sean.

“What the hell, man?” Jerry cried, his eyes–inflamed by passion and pizza–visible over Sean’s dungeon master screen. “Since when does a monster knock? And even given the remote possibility it does knock, what are the chances it does so politely?”

“And what kind of name is ‘Ricitill?'” Frank said from the left, waving his pewter token. “It sounds like they were trying to make it all menacing with flavors of ‘rictus’ and ‘kill’ but it sounds like a ‘sit down and shut the hell up’ prescription medicine to me!”

“Guys, guys,” Sean said, making the ‘cool it’ gesture they’d agreed upon before the game started. “It’s a real monster, from the ‘Chitin and Claws’ sourcebook. You want me to get it out?”

“Better do it,” sighed Matt, on the right. “Otherwise we’ll be arguing in the inn all night.”

Sean produced the book, opened to a two-page spread beginning on p. 65. “See? Monster always knocks politely since it can’t attack with its acid claws until properly invited inside.”

“Stupid,” Frank said. “All the monsters in the book and you pick that mishmash? It’s like they took half the entry on vampires and half the entry on rust monsters and pasted them together to pad the thing out!”

About to respond–whether through logical and cogent argument or smacking Frank with the rolled-up manual, he hadn’t decided–Sean was interrupted by a soft knock at the basement door.

“W-who is it?”

 

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