“Welcome to your EnviroPod Hospitality Space™,” the chipper, synthesized voice said, the trademark symbol after the term all but pronounced openly. “We here at EnviroPod LLC GmbH strive to fulfill your every need.”
“I’d like to go outside,” Dominic said.
“Are you sure?” The voice of the Pod was still very upbeat. “The EnviroPod Hospitality Space™ is the most comfortable, state-of-the-art six meter by four meter modular space on the market today.”
“Is there a balcony I’m not seeing?” Dominic asked. “Or a window?”
“Only on the deluxe EnviroPod Hospitality Space™ Pro model, or as a free upgrade for subscribers to EnviroPod Hospitality Space™ Plus.”
“Then I’d like to go outside,” Dominic said.
“Apologies,” said the Pod. “The door is not currently operational. Maintenance has been notified.”
Dominic ran his hand over the smooth wall near the bathroom, where a door might have been on a comparably sized hotel room. “Are you sure the door is currently installed?” he said.
“Maintenance has been notified.”
“All right then.” Dominic tapped the flat screen mounted across from the bed. “Put on a live feed of the outside.”
“Apologies,” said the Pod. “Camera feed is not currently operational. Maintenance has been notified.”
“Put on a nature show, then.”
“Apologies,” the Pod said again. “The entertainment system is not currently operational. Maintenance has been notified.”
“What is operational, then?” Dominic snapped.
“Delicious EnviroPod Rehydrated Meals are available from the delivery chute. EnviroPod Laundry is working at full capacity; simply place your garments in the laundry chute and they will be returned cleaned and pressed.”
“How about a maid? Turndown service?”
A pause. “Apologies. The maid system is not currently operational. Maintenance has been notified.”
Excerpts From Nonexistent Books 