“Hmph.”
Mark looked up, the mushrooms for his salad still in hand. “Something funny about my salad?”
“Cannibal,” said Eggers.
Mark sighed. “You gonna unpack that for me, Eggers, or can I finish my lunch in peace?”
“The fungal kingdom is more closely related to you, sitting there right now, than it is to plants. So, therefore: cannibal. Even if vegetarian; cannibal.” Eggers seemed to find this utterly hilarious, as he struggled to contain a crooked grin.”
“And I’m sure you eat nothing but dewdrops and the energy of the universe,” Mark said. “At least fungi can make something useful of a wothless-ass perp like you, Eggers.”
Excerpts From Nonexistent Books 