Excerpts From Nonexistent Books

As told by Hirt, a man of Simnel

In the days before Eyon I, the first king of Pexate, the land was rent by petty kingdoms and strife. One of the strongest was a realm which once stretched where we now sit, centered on the city of Simnel. Elves had carved a great citadel for themselves, and ruled as far as their spears would reach.

Their old king died just as their lands had begun to be threatened from the south, and his wife was heavily with child at the time. It was decided by a great council that her child should succeed him. But when the time came, she gave birth to twins–both mules, for it happened that she had been unfaithful to the old elf-king with many who had come through Simnel-that-was. Her son, Vol, had a human father and was fair-skinned and fair-haired. Her daughter, Elw, had a goblin father and had dark olive skin and midnight-black hair.

At their birth, the sword traditionally forged for the new king was hurriedly duplicated, and thus Volen and Elwva were forged. In the elven dialect of the time, Vol was noon and Elw midnight, so Volen and Elwva were the Light-Blade and the Dark-Blade respectively.

Decades of war followed as the Twin Monarchs came of age, and in them Eyon I found his craftiest opponents in the north. Vol was a cruel man, prone to fits of bloody rage on the battlefield, but nevertheless a skilled warrior. Elw was temperate and kind, a formidable diplomat. Together on the throne, they kept King Eyon at bay for years.

The King, in his great wisdom, dealt with them in his own way. He sent emissaries to Vol, promising recognition as King of the North if he would only remove the thorn of Elw, with the shadow-blade Elwva to be handed over as proof of the deed. Vol greedily acquiesced to the terms.

Then King Eyon sent emissaries to Elw, revealing Vol’s treachery. He promised her the title of Queen of the North if she wiped away Vol’s dishonor with blood and collected Volen, the blade of light. The two siblings met in the great hall of old Simnel and fought for hours, forbidding their retainers to intervene. Their final blows, in parallel, struck at each others’ hearts, with the obsidian of Elwva shattering in Vol’s chest and the translucent quartz of Volen breaking between Elw’s ribs.

King Eyon then arrived, took the fealty of the retainers, and collected both shattered swords. “Let these broken blades be a reminder to all who follow me in my line,” he said. “If their bearers had remained unified, and not let the petty strife of their common history drive them to violence, I would never have triumphed.”

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“They call you the blade-bard,” the dwarf, Anx, said. “Does that mean you can sing? Come, sing us a song to pass the time.”

“Oh, that’s not quite what the name means,” said Hirt, looking around the dozens of other anxious, haggard faces clustered inside Kingskeep for safety against the siege. “I run the royal armory’s historical collection.”

The elf from the royal architects college, Tova, snorted in the shadows to Hirt’s left. “What’s bardic about being a librarian of old rusty daggers?” she said.

“You misunderstand,” replied Hirt. “I make the blades sing. Not the whistle of slicing through the naked air, either, but songs of their history.”

“This one would be more interested in the history-to-come, or perhaps the swords-to-come if the city walls are breached,” the goblin from the castle scullery said. “Perhaps the blade-bard knows how the siege goes, if King Uxbridge rides to relieve Simnel as the gobs in this one’s scrubbing-crew have whispered.”

“I’m afraid I don’t,” Hirt said. “But I could regale you with a tale of one of the blades from our collection. To pass the time, that is.”

Tova snorted again. “I could easily tell you a better story of a better sword, avdpas.”

Anx clapped his hands together, causing several of those huddled on the stone floor to gasp. “Now that is the first good idea I’ve heard all siege,” he said. “Let us each in turn tell the story of a blade we know, and thereby pass the time.”

“What if I don’t know any swords?” one of the pages, leaned against the wall, said.

“Make something up!” Anx said, laughing. “You there, blade-bard. You go first. Tell us of a sword. Something wondrous, from before magic began leaving the world. And don’t waste our time with the Purposeful Blade either, we know it’s kept in Aiov.”

“Very well,” said Hirt. “Let me tell you of my favorite blades: Volen and Elwva, the sword of shadow and the sword of light, taken from the Twin Monarchs by Eyon I when he took Pexate.”

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Name: Mississippi Kite
Peckédex Number: 24
Type: Air type, Murderbird type
Weakness: Earth type
Evolves From: Mississippi Kytoon

Description:
These swift and elegant gray raptors normally only eat bugs, but they won’t hesitate to defend themselves or their nests from all comers.

Attacks:
Skree-Kew! – This bold declaration increases the Mississippi Kite’s speed and decreases that of its foes.

Bug Drop – The Mississippi Kite catches a bug in mid-air and consumes it, dropping the inedible parts on its foes for moderate damage while also healing a small number of hit points.

Concert Dive – This powerful dive looses the Mississippi Kite’s beak on unsuspecting foes, but requires two turns to cool down after each use.

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Name: Canadian Goose
Peckédex Number: 23
Type: Noisy type, Waterfowl type
Weakness: Quiet type
Evolves From: Canadian Gosling

Description:
They are the last terrifying visage you see before the grave, wild dinosaurs of the north come south to pillage and plunder. Canadian Geese have all the ill-temper and hostility that Canadians themselves lack, and they will not hesitate to use it.

Attacks:
Toronto Twister – A vicious peck that deals Noisy type damage.

V for Victory – The Canadian Goose leads its fellows in a V-shaped attack on all enemies, with the number of geese and the amount of damage increasing with higher levels.

HONK if You Love Murder – A cacophonous honking that raises the Canadian Goose’s attack power. Does not stack.

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Name: Turkey Vulture
Peckédex Number: 22
Type: Quiet Type, Murderbird type
Weakness: Noisy Type
Evolves From: Downy Vulchling

Description:
Huge and imposing in flight and on the ground, the Turkey Vulture is actually a gentle creature that never harms living beings except in self-defense. Their diet of carrion and relation to hawks and eagles, though, means they are not to be trifled with,

Attacks:
Rip ‘n’ Tear – The Turkey Vulture lashes out with its beak, inflicting damage and gaining life at the same time.

HORK! – The Turkey Vulture vomits up the corrosive contents of its stomach, weakening the defense of all enemies. There is a slight chance that each enemy will have a random status effect applied as well.

Fecal Armor – The Turkey Vulture, uh, protects itself with its poo. This gives it a bonus to defense and immunity to fire-type attacks, but water-type attacks will wash it away.

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Name: Ruby-Throated Hummingbird
Peckédex Number: 21
Type: Sour type, Hummingbird type
Weakness: Sweet type
Evolves From: Hummblebee

Description:
Though their diet of nectar and diminutive size may make them seem sweet, Ruby-Throated Hummingbirds are in fact tiny battle-hardened valkyries, forever picking fights with each other over access to sugary snacks.

Attacks:
Piercing Peck – The Ruby-Throated Hummingbird’s stiletto beak does piercing non-elemental damage to one foe. This attack pierces all defenses.

Sugar Rush – The Ruby-Throated Hummingbird increases its speed and agility, granting it an increased chance to dodge enemy moves or counterattack.

Flower Power – This move heals the Ruby-Throated Hummingbird and offers a temporary defense boost. Multiple boosts do not stack.

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Name: Brown Thrasher
Peckédex Number: 20
Type: Earth type, Mimic type
Weakness: Air type
Evolves From: Tan Thrasher

Description:
This spotty bruiser may want you to think he is tough as nails, but he has a songbird’s heart and a talent for mimicry to go along with his cousins the mockingbirds and catbirds. But if you’re not careful, you may still get an angry thrashing.

Attacks:
Thrash! – The Brown Thrasher lives up to its name with a devastating peck attack that takes one turn to power up. Pierces many types of defense.

Absorb Attack – Being hit while Absorb Attack is active adds the enemy attack performed to the Brown Thrasher’s Secret Song move.

Secret Song – The Brown Thrasher unleashes a mimicry of every attack it has absorbed, in order, up to a maximum of five. The attacks’ element, if any, is changed to Earth type.

Brown Note – Any attacks that cannot be mimicked during Secret Song are converted to Brown Notes which deal minor non-elemental damage.

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Name: American Crow
Peckédex Number: 19
Type: Dark type, Crow type
Weakness: Light type
Evolves From: American Cackling

Description:
Tall, dark, and distinctive, the American Crow needs no introduction. Smart as a whip and a savvy scavenger, some may say it is a bird of ill omen or a pest, but the crows themselves do not see this as caws for concern.

Attacks:
Caws For Alarm – The American Crow summons its family group to deliver a dark-type multipeck attack. The number of crows appearing is random but increases with the crow’s level.

Yoink! – The American Crow attempts to steal an item from an enemy. If the attempt fails, or if the enemy has no items, a small amount of non-elemental damage is done instead.

Murder – The American Crow sacrifices some of its hit points to deliver a powerful attack. If the sacrifice brings the American Crow to 0 hit points, it will lose the battle unless the damage inflicted defeats the enemy, in which case the crow will revive with 1 HP.

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Name: Eurasian Collared Dove
Peckédex Number: 018
Type: Quiet type, Pigeon type
Weakness: Noisy type
Evolves From: Eurasian Uncollared Dove

Description:
From its pressed collar to its dapper feathers, this fancy pidge is ready to strut its stuff from the runway to the power line. Large and in charge, it is the very definition of coo.

Attacks:
Escape! – The Eurasian Collared Dove attempts to flee, firing feathery missiles at all foes as it does. If the escape attempt fails, all enemies take quiet-type damage and may be silenced.

Peck ‘n’ Bob – The Eurasian Collared Dove delivers a stout peck, with a slight chance of multipeck.

Hot Under the Collar – Based on the number of times it has been damaged in the current battle, the Eurasian Collared Dove delivers a blistering quiet-type attack. Each successful enemy attack that deals damage, up to ten such attacks, increases the damage of this move.

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Name: Tufted Titmouse
Peckédex Number: 017
Type: Air type, Tit type
Weakness: Earth type
Evolves From: Tufted B-Cup

Description:
Small but powerful, the Tufted Titmouse is still crest for success with their strong flight, seed-cracking abilities, and sleek gray coat. Watch out though–a fool who would cross this bird will be in for one heck of a wardrobe malfunction.

Attacks:
Hammer Time – The Tufted Titmouse grapples a foe and hammers on it like a stubborn seed, piercing defense for moderate air-type damage.

Peter, Peter, Peter Out – The Tufted Titmouse divebombs an enemy three times in a row, with each hit having a greater chance to miss but also a greater air-type attack power.

Say Yes to the Crest The Tufted Titmouse flashes its plumage to its enemies, with a chance to dazzle or stun them. If an enemy can’t be dazzled or stunned, a small amount of non-elemental damage is done instead.

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