I cut tiny hearts
Into the leaves
Falling quietly
In my backyard
It is the only way
I can think of
To show this place
How it cut itself
Into my own

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“The music’s good, anyway,” Beverly said. “At least, it’s not making me feel nauseated.”

Chelsea rubbed her hands together uneasily. “Yeah, about that. Are you sure it’s not…you know, too soon? For going out to a bar?”

“I’m practically healed, Chelsea,” said Beverly. She had to go in for a biopsy on the ‘other lump’ in a week and stick to eating stuff that her body wasn’t going to violently reject from both ends thanks to the chemo. But Dr. Jaipur hadn’t said anything about not drinking, and he said a lot about not doing other stuff.

“Well, yeah, I suppose,” Chelsea said, nodding. “But just because you’re okay physically doesn’t mean you’re okay mentally. I mean…you’re twenty-two with a fresh hysterectomy. I can’t even imagine what that must be like, how you must feel, not being able to have kids…”

Beverly’s eyes flashed. “Even though I never wanted any kids to begin with?” She’d told Chelsea before that she was just too messed up to bring a kid into this world–a world that, she might add, didn’t need any more humans, thank you very much. That conversation had been years ago.”

“Well, you never know when someone might change their mind,” Chelsea said. “And, I mean, to have that door closed for you so early, to lose even the potential of ever having kids…”

“Goddammit, Chelsea, stop that,” Beverly tossed back her drink and tapped the bar for a refill. God, Chelsea was just like everyone else! It wasn’t that Beverly’s life has been turned upside down, or the chance that the cancer was eating her away from the inside, or the fact that the hysterectomy hurt like hell and she’d always have the scar, or how the operation had hurt her chances of ever having a normal college student life. No, everybody felt sad for Beverly strictly because of the fact she couldn’t have kids anymore.

“Beverly, I-”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Beverly said. Her drink was refilled and she took a fresh swig of it. Considering it was served in stemware, a swig was about all there was to it. “You don’t have to cling to me like some kind of chaperone, Chelsea. I’ll get a cab home.” She’d come there to get plenty drunk, not wallow in sympathy for not being a person factory anymore.

Rachel seemed about to say something, but instead she gathered her things. “I’m a phone call away if you need me,” she said.

“Thanks, but I won’t. Good night, and don’t wait up.”

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Out the back window
Likely night shadows playing
Gun drawn just in case

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When I saw the home
In an old and worn-out book
It led me to a dead end
In the town of Shady Nook

My blog was brimming over
With debunked haunting tales
I expected nothing scarier
Than a few pale windy wails

My heart did not start pounding
When the walls were closing in
Or when a voice rebuked me
For an old and festering sin

I didn’t quail or quiver
When my nose began to bleed
Even as my eardrums rang
With unearthly roars to heed

There was no thought of fleeing
When palm-shaped bruises on my chest
Appeared as all around me
Ashen urns howled from their rest

I calmly kept my head on
Even when the doors were barred
I didn’t curl up shivering
When the grounds ate up my car

Chased up by blood-red mists
Leaping from the tower high
I woke up in a hospital
Being told I’d nearly died

It was then house did break me
When a detective at my bed
Said it was torn down years ago
Where had I been, instead?

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Indeed, the very term “Munchkin” has been controversial. It was popularized by early explorers who corrupted the Quadling term muenchner kindl or “blue children.” Many Munchkins, especially during the political awakening of the 1960s and 1970s, began insisting on the term Lollipoppian instead. A rough English approximation of the term Munchkins use for themselves, Lollipoppian comes from the term loli poppu aru, or “gentlemen who fancy sweets.”

However, since “lollipop” is also an English loanword for a type of traditional Munchkin sweet, many have instead insisted on “reclaiming” the term. The federal government recognizes the Munchkin nation in much the same way as it does the Quadling, Gillikin, and Winkie nations, but the Munchkins remain unique in that they will not accept any members that are over 5’0″ no matter how much Munckin ancestry they may have. Furthermore, any native-born Munchkins who grow taller than that are expelled from the nation.

This has led many anxious Munchkins to invest in growth-stunting drugs, and even some with Munchkin ancestry have attempted to limit their height in order to claim a piece of the nation’s lucrative and unregulated candy trade.

“We Munchkins are a proud nation, ancient and indivisible, and it is we who must reserve for ourselves the right to determine who is Munchkin and who is not,” said Boopsie Aru, current leader of the Lollipop Guild and de facto spiritual leader of the greater Munchkin nation. “We reject any and all externally imposed definitions of who and what Munchkins are.”

On the other hand, activist Pipi Aru insists that the height distinction is meaningless and externally imposed. “When our lands were settled by outsiders, they called every tall person a Quadling and every short person a Munchkin,” says she. “By internalizing this, we have done more damage to our culture than disease or invaders could ever have oped to inflict.”

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Section II: Temporal Regression
Civilizations suffer a temporal regression as a result of the premature discovery of time travel. While such discoveries occasionally lead to a Temporal Uplift (see Section III), more often than not the unpredictability of temporal changes means that the civilization is set back decades or even centuries.

The archtypical example of this is CE32283, a habitable planet with a Class Three civilation. Thanks to the premature discovery and use of a temporal device by a very small number of people, no more than 1-3, the civilization’s technology level was inadvertently retarded for decades as key discoveries in anti-gravity repulsor fields were never made.

This was due to the lack of funds for a key startup company, which came from the settlement for a automobile accident that the founder’s uncle was involved in. The crash, avoided through temporal meddling, wound up delaying the widespread adoption of repulsor fields for more than a century.

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Name: Lucius Hauntington IV
Gender: Male
Date of Death: 10/20/1815
Classification: Free Floating Full Torso Vaporous Apparition
Place of Death: New Orleans
Cause of Death: Gunshot wound
Country of Death: USA
State/Region of Birth: Louisiana
Demon: Baphomet
Burial Address:
Ye Acre of Rest Cemeterie
666 Hearse Lane New Orleans LA 70447 USA
Desired Major: Spirit Therapy
Desired Minor: Ecto-American Studies
Activities:
The Great Haunting of 1857
The Harrowing of Elder Street 1877
Spirit Guide 1910-1925
Spirit Photographer Aide 1911-1924
Bumps in the Night Club 1926-present
New Orleans Saints Hexing Club 1955-present

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Respiration and Gas Exhange
Relatively little is known about the exact physiology of the Vyaeh, as contacts have been limited and no Vyaeh bodies have ever been captured or dissected. But from limited diplomatic contact, it can be inferred that their homeworld as approximately 75% of Earth’s mass and a biosphere that has a certain amount of breathable oxygen. Vyaeh have been observed subsisting without incident in atmospheres with 25-33% less oxygen than Earth, but they also appear to require certain noble gasses such as argon and krypton in much higher concentrations than Earthlike or terraformed atmospheres.

This is why Vyaeh colonies in the Disputed Systems have been observed to set up atmospheric generators even on planets with high oxygen concentrations, and why Vyaeh operating in atmospheres which appear to have enough oxygen are usually equipped with units to supply the needed gasses. Unlike humans, the systems for taking in nutrients and gas exchange are completely different; Vyaeh have spiracules on their sides that intake and exhale in a manner that is unclear but appears to be broadly similar to “book lungs” on terrestrial arachnids.

Limbs and skeleton
Vyaeh limbs are more fragile than human ones, and several have been observed to sustain major fractures from relatively minor falls. They appear to compensate for this, on planets with higher gravity, by augmenting themselves with powered germents or armor. Their skeletal structure appears to be a mixture of an endoskeleton and an exoskeleton, with the two appearing bonded in areas where greater strength is required such as the middle of limbs. It’s been speculated that the exoskeleton develops as Vyaeh age, rendering them more protected but less motile.

It has also been noted that Vyaeh vary in their number of limbs, posessing anywhere from four to eight appendages aside from their head. They have shown some specialization, with four-legged Vyaeh bearing heavy loads, three-armed Vyaeh operating as snipers or engineers, and those with the most human-like configuration (two arms and two legs) serving as commanders. Speculation exists that the number of legs is a matriarchal trait passed from mother to daughter, with males providing the neccessary genetic diversity between the various lines (not unlike cuckoos on Earth). No details on reproduction are known, though it appears to be sexual and two sexes have been noted in communications.

Nutrition
They appear to primarily consume liquid food with a limited capacity to grind up more solid particles in a gizzard-like organ; this has led to speculation that they evolved from herbivores or filter feeders. It has also been speculated that the other creatures often seen with Vyaeh troops, which have been observed to eat solid food, exist in a sort of symbiosis and have evolved to be “milked” of a nutrient slurry. Like so much else about the Vyaeh, this is relatively unknown.

Vision
Vyaeh posess adept but delicate “pinhole camera” eyes, perhaps most analogous to Earth chameleons and cephelopods. Their vision is poorer in terms of field of vision with notable blind spots, and their eyes must be physically rotated and focused much more laboriously than those of humans. As with their legs, the number of eyes that each Vyaeh posesses varies, with two, three, and four eyes all observed. Unlike the number of limbs, the number of eyes does not appear to be linked to any stratification of roles.

Speech
Vyaeh speech is complex, with an audible component from their “book lungs,” pheromones released from glands near their mouths, and a number of subtle shades of meaning communicated through the position of eyes and limbs. Contact and negotiations resulted in the development of a translator which can read and interpret Vyaeh language with a degree of accuracy. Their script, which relies on light frequencies outside the range of normal human vision, has likewise been deciphered to a degree through negotiations.

Culture
Vyaeh culture is primarily mercantile and matriarchal. Accumulation of power is based around accumulation of wealth, and there is no centralized military. Rather, individual units are raised and equipped by powerful figures and then sold or rented to the central government. The lack of centralized control has led to a number of unfortunate incidents, though the government has intervened several times to prevent all-out war.

Virtually nothing is known about the Vyaeh central government, the Orphaned Court. It has been speculated to be made up of ancient matriarchs, but is treated as a singlular entity. It is both the primary civil and religious leadership of the Vyaeh, but it does not seem to interfere in major decisions very often and demonstrates an apparent preference for subtle manipulation. Such is its prestige in Vyaeh society, though, that its orders are generally obeyed unquestionably and many actions appear to be undertaken with the express object of currying its favor.

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“Ultimately,” says Dr. Horace Uuuurnggghh, chair of Sasquatch Studies at the University of the Pacific Northwest, “there are very few positive portrayals of sasquatch in media. We feel that is reductive, and we are trying to fight it.”

When asked about prominent sasquatches in media, Dr. Uuuurnggghh had this to say: “Yes, everyone knows about Chewbacca as a supposedly positive sasquatch character. But aside from Chewbacca, who is there? Even Chewbacca is not a good role model, as he is presented as an alien, inarticulate, prone to rage, a cheater at games, and subordinate to human characters. You will note, for example, that Chewbacca does not recieve a medal at the end of Star Wars despite copiloting the ship that won the battle. And it goes without saying that the sasquatch community is very opposed to non-sasquatch actors playing sasquatch roles.”

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WHEREAS we have found consciousness to be fluid and expansible

WHEREAS we have found the pursuit of knowledge through the use of various chemical aids (known to the laymen as lysergic acid diethylamide or LSD)

WHEREAS we have learned more in the space of a few short years under chemical guideance and chemically expanded consciousness than any of us have in the whole of our lives in academia

And WHEREAS we have been opposed by every turn by the Consciousness Limiters (hereafter referred to as the CLs) closedminded, the fearful, and the oppressive who seek to outlaw, constrain, and otherwise harass and suppress Truth in all its chemical forms

THEREFORE I submit to the Consciousness Society of America (hereafter referred to as the CSA) that we take our work underground

CONSIDER that a refuge or shelter, suitably constructed and outfitted with technology designed for nuclear fallout, could sustain our Carbon Shells (hereafter referred to as CSes) for a nearly indefinite period of time

CONSIDER that, with careful planning, we would be able to deal with considerations of hydration and waste

CONSIDER that, with a well-stocked library of books and consciousness-expenders, we would be able to advance our work by leaps and bounds

CONSIDER that, by doing so, we would free ourselves both from the strictures of the Imposed Reality (hereafter referred to as the IR), and the repression of the aforementioned Consciousness Limiters (hereafter referred to as CLs)

THEREFORE I submit to you that the Consciousness Society of America (hereafter referred to as the CSA) construct a network of Consciousness Shelters (hereafter referred to as CSes) beneath our current dwelling places

THEREFORE I submit to you that we stock the with the Consciousness Shelters (hereafter referred to as CSes) with the necessities for maintain our Carbon Shells (hereafter referred to as CSes) as well as the chemicals needed for expansion

THEREFORE I submit to you that we seal ourselves in these Consciousness Shelters (hereafter referred to as CSes) for a period of not less than 30 years of explorations of the boundaries of consciousness, thereafter to reemerge to share our revelations with the world

THEREFORE I submit to you that work has already begun on an example unit to be held up as a model and sealed at a predetermined time

SUBMITTED this day, October 17, 1985, to the monthly meeting of the Consciousness Society of America (hereafter referred to as the CSA)

-Dr. C. J. Applewhite IV, Southern Michigan University, AKA Ceejayaye, AKA Applecore, AKA Consciousness #32283

Inspired by this satirical post.

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