The ride had lasted nearly ten hours, with the last five spent under a black hood. Academy Award winning actress Ann Pense had won plaudits for her portrayal of a mentally handicapped, wheelchair-bound serial killer in 1944 Warsaw. But The Rusty Wheel was nothing compared to her most demanding role so far: interviewing one of the world’s most notorious fugitives and monsters.

After seeing nothing but the straws her escorts had shoved into the hood to allowe her to sip vegan gluten-free smoothies, Ann found herself seated in a padded chair. The hood was whisked off, and she found herself face to face with her quarry.

“Well, Ms. Pense, here I am,” said Vampire Stalin, fangs glistening beneath his impressive mustache, dripping with the lifeblood of the proletariat. “What would you like to ask me about my unholy armies of the people?”

“There’s been a lot of misconceptions about your drive for equality and dignity through vampirism,” Ann began, drawing on the list of questions she had memorized earlier. “So let me ask you: are you a saint?”

Inspired by this.

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Russian Proverb: Your elbow is close, yet you can’t bite it.
Stalin’s Addendum: You can if you cut it off.

Russian Proverb: Without effort, you can’t even pull a fish out of the pond.
Stalin’s Addendum: Drain the pond; you will always get the fish you want.

Russian Proverb: If you’re afraid of wolves, don’t go to the woods.
Stalin’s Addendum: If you’re afraid of wolves, be a bear. It only takes one dead wolf for the others to get the message.

Russia Proverb: The raven won’t peck out the eye of another raven.
Stalin’s Addendum: It will if it thinks that’ll save its own eyes from pecking. Which it won’t.

Russian Proverb: You can’t shear a naked sheep.
Stalin’s Addendum: But you can still flay it.

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