Do you think you may have been the victim of a homicide?

Did you wake up recently in a morgue or crematorium?

Was that accident you walked away from definitely not survivable?

These and more are warning signs of zombification. Despite evidence to the contrary, our state teaches an abstinence-only form of zombie education, and that leaves many people having their first experience with zombification vulnerable and frightened.

Do you think you may have been zombified? Are you scared? Call 1-800-ZOM-BIES to reach a hotline staffed by caring operators who can help you find a local clinic and get a Z-section right away. Don’t be scared – there’s help.

This advertisement paid for by Planned Zombihood, the Anti-Zombification League, and the American Zombie Liberties Union.

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