“Your website said there were supposed to be Meyer lemons,” the customer whined. “What good is the farmer’s market website if it’s not right?”
“Sir, I’m sorry about the lemons. We have some Eureka lemons if you like.”
The man pounded the counter. “I don’t want Eureka lemons, I want an accurate farmer’s market website so I don’t drive out here for nothing!”
“I’m sorry, but our webmaster is also our cashier and also me,” the employee said. “We try to keep things accurate but it’s not always possible.”
“When are the next Meyer lemons coming in, then? I need them for a pre-jail Martha Stewart recipe.”
“I don’t know,” the employee said. “We get them from a guy out on 6. He sells us a basket when he has one to sell.”
The man stormed out, still grousing about Meyer lemons and the indignities of small-business online infrastructure, to be replaced by the next man in line.
“I saw you had Meyer lemons on your website,” he said. “Are they any good?”
“I’m sorry,” the employee said. “We’re fresh out.”
The man nodded, smiling. The transmission had been correct, then. Project Pucker had begun.
Excerpts From Nonexistent Books 