Excerpts From Nonexistent Books

Name: European Starling
Peckédex Number: 009
Type: Sour type, Starling type
Weakness: Sweet type
Evolves From: European Protostar

Description:
Chunky, aggressive, numerous, and often invasive, European starlings are tiny supernovae ready to flare up and radiate meanness! With their large flocks and needle-sharp beaks, no suet is safe from these stellar rogues.

Attacks:
Starstrike – The European starling stabs with its beak, piercing some forms of defense.

A Thousand Eyes Shining in Darkness – The European starling causes sour damage by flashing its many spots at enemies.

Black Hole Bomb – The European starling summons its flock and bombards the target for several consecutive non-elemental attacks.

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Name: Chipping Sparrow
Peckédex Number: 008
Type: Air Type, Sparrow Type
Weakness: Earth
Evolves From: Chipster

Description:
The smallest but sassiest of the common sparrows, this cap-clad chipper is equally at home in a flock or on its own. With a distinctive flight call and a big attitude despite its small size, the chipping sparrow is no mere LBJ.

Attacks:
Flight Call – The chipping sparrow summons a tiny tornado that deals air-type damage to a single target.

Little Brown Jab – A weak thrust that nevertheless pierces all defense.

Chip in the Armor – The chipping sparrow exploits its tiny size and high speed to lower the defense of one enemy.

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Name: House Finch
Peckédex Number: 007
Type: Noisy, Finch
Weakness: Quiet
Evolves From: none

Description:
Once a prized pet under the stage name of “Hollywood Finch,” these feral fliers were let loose after the Migratory Bird Treaty. Freed from the bonds of their cages, but with low genetic diversity, they are reservoirs of gregarious disease–first to fly, first to die.

Attacks:
Plague Peck – A weak attack that can inflict mycoplasmal conjunctivitis on an enemy, which will inflict both the poison and blind statuses at the cost of the finch’s HP.

Tweetstorm – A sonic attack that inflicts low-level damage on all enemies.

Hollywood Feed – The finch eats all available food in the area, inflicting starvation damage on finch, cardinal, and sparrow types.

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Name: Eastern Towhee
Peckédex Number: 006
Type: Earth, Sparrow
Weakness: Air
Evolves From: Eastern Towbee

Description:
These handsome rufus-sided sparrows are master miners, effortlessly excavating for edibles. When the situation calls for it, they can unleash the power of soil and fight dirty.

Attacks:
Kicky-Dig – The towhee strikes the earth vigorously, bringing up either a maelstrom of rocks that are hurled at enemies, or a bug that is eaten to restore health.

Towhee-Point-Oh – A rip-roaring earthquake that damages all foes not currently airborne.

Heel-Towhee Kick – This pounding strike has a chance to throw foes to the dirt, rendering them helpless.

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Name: Rose-Breasted Grosbeak
Peckédex Number: 005
Type: Dark, Cardinal
Weakness: Light
Evolves From: Rose-Breasted Kleinbeak

Description:
This burly brawler of the backyard is always willing to throw down, especially the ladies, who have a long tradition of valkyrie-ism. When establishing a pecking order, they always know to go for the eyes!

Attacks:
Odin’s Eye – This blinding peck inflicts blindness and does dark-based damage. Ineffective against blackbird-type enemies.

Jourmungandr Joust – A meaty, axe-like swing with a seed-crackin’ beak for a shell of a lot of damage.

Einherjab – The grosbeak summons the spirits of warrior grosbeaks past and marshals them into an infernal horde, inflicting dark-based damage to all targets.

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Name: Northern Cardinal
Peckédex Number: 004
Type: Fire Type, Cardinal Type
Weakness: Water Type
Evolves From: Northern Derp

Description:
As familiar as the rising sun, these fiery if flighty Peckémon are always ready to ignite a battle. With their incendiary temperament, powerful bite, and magnificent crest, these masked marauders are always full of pip and vigor.

Attacks:
Known Biter – With a beak specially adapted for cracking open tough seeds, cracking open soft and feathery Peckémon is no challenge at all!

Blaze Crest – This blinding burst of cresty energy will singe all but the most fireproof feathers. The higher the crest when it is fired off, the higher the damage!

Sonic Pip – With this alarming alarm call, the Northern Cardinal strikes fear into the hearts of its enemies, lowering their speed and agility.

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Name: Brown-Headed Cowbird
Peckédex Number: 003
Type: Dark Type/Blackbird Type
Weakness: Light Type
Evolves From: Brown-Headed Changeling

Description:
Sporting dark motorcycle jackets for the men and brown bodysuits for the ladies, these rebels without a caw live a free and easy lifestyle thanks to their penchant for dumping their kids off to be raised by foster parents. But the little Hell’s Angels always find their way back to the gang, and what the Brown-Headed Cowbird lacks in strength, it makes up for in numbers. Parents who kick cowbird eggs out find themselves on the wrong end of the Cowbird Mafia.

Attacks:
Parasite Peck – A weak attack that steals health from the target Peckémon and gives it to the Brown-Headed Cowbird.

Egg Drop (female only) – The female violently drops an egg on her foe, causing major damage and giving her a bonus to attack.

Dark Water (male only) – The male summons his Cowbird Mafia, which proceeds to fit the target for a set of cement shoes using Dark-element water attacks that sap the target’s defense.

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Name: Eastern Bluebird
Peckédex Number: 002
Type: Water Type, Thrush Type
Weakness: Fire Type
Evolves From: Eastern Bloob

Description:
These unmistakable blue bombers keep a chilly and aloof distance but show their true fighting spirit when it comes to icing bugs for a meal. Natural scrappers, they will fight with anyone or anything for a few more morsels of sweet, sweet protein.

Attacks:
Ice Kick – Drawing on their theropod ancestors, the Eastern Bluebird tries to put enemies in the cold ground with this chilly double-claw maneuver.

Bug Blizzard – The Eastern Bluebird showers foes in a blinding blizzard of bug bits, from chitin to elytra.

Permafrost Peck – A coldhearted jab from a needle-sharp beak that is sure to freeze even the most determined opponent in its tracks.

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Name: Mourning Dove
Peckédex Number: 001
Type: Sweet Type, Pigeon Type
Weakness: Sour Type
Evolves From: Mourning Squab

Description:
This large, social Peckémon has a sweet disposition but startles easily. Though it may seem like a tubby weakling, a Mourning Dove won’t hesitate to call for backup if pressed, and its ascending sonic attack and bombadier counter make it a foe to be reckoned with.

Attacks:
Coo Crew – A Mourning Dove can coo an alarm and summon other Sweet-type Peckémon.

Sonic Ascension – Blistering sonic notes sharp enough to shatter glass shed from a Mourning Dove’s wings whenever it takes flight.

Poo Poo Bombardier – Mourning Doves, like all other Pigeon types, can dive and release a stink bomb that has a chance of poisoning, blinding, or nauseating the target. Pigeon Type Peckémon are immune.

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Someone else got sick at work today
A bigwig, a boss, an administrator
“Maybe they’ll take it more seriously”
A co-worker said to me, six feet away
I smiled under my mask, shook my head
At this point, after seventeen months
They would rather die than be wrong

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