Introducing Crocodyne™ Ultra, the sports drink from the makers of the nation’s #1 sports-related beverage, Crocodyne™ Classic. Crocodyne™ Ultra still has the essential salts, sugars, and day-glo food coloring of Crocodyne™ Classic, ingredients and features essential to building a healthy physique and maintaining hydration when used alongside diet, water, and enough intense exercise to burn off the 320 calories from sugar in every bottle.

But the fans spoke, and we listened! Crocodyne™ Ultra also includes the remains of used up basketballs, baseballs, soccer balls, and footballs–at least 1% of each Crocodyne@ Ultra bottle is balls, guaranteed! That’s .5% more balls in your mouth than leading competitor PowerDyne™ Max! Crocodyne™ Ultra also includes authentic blood, sweat, and tears from actual athletes, harvested from such at Crocodyne Sportsatoriums, Sportsaterias, and Sportsgulags. By forcing them to sports so that we can harvest their essential juices, Crocodyne™ Ultra gives gainful employment to retired athletes who, thanks to rampant and chronic steroid use, are unfit to reenter society.

Crocodyne™ Ultra. For when you blindly accept unsupported claims and slickly repackaged Olympian imagery in the media.

  • Like what you see? Purchase a print or ebook version!
Advertisements