With his high cheekbones, carefully coiffed hair, and airy demeanor, Chad Blake had the style and appearance of an enormous douche. His face was eminently punchable, as if waiting for an underdog’s fist to do so, and the fact that he often wore suits without ties reinforced the notion.

Sadly, Chad–like so many other young, handsome, professional, white-bread men–has a condition known as Resting Doucheface. Whether or not he is in fact a douche, he always presents the appearance of being such. People punch him in the face walking down the street and assume that he will be first up against the wall when the revolution comes, regardless of his actual douchiness level.

Remember Chad, and hundreds of thousands of others like him. Determine that someone is an actual douche before hating them and not a false positive caused by Resting Doucheface. And above all, remember this: if you couldn’t help but look like a douche, wouldn’t you want people to take a moment to confirm it before they punched you?

  • Like what you see? Purchase a print or ebook version!