OFFICER: Do you know why I pulled you over?

DRIVER: No, officer, I don’t.

OFFICER: Sir, are you familiar with the ‘pick it and ticket’ law?

DRIVER: I swear, I wasn’t doing anything!

OFFICER: Then you won’t mind a little test. Hold out your hand.

DRIVER: …

OFFICER: As I thought! The boogeryzer shows fresh mucus on your fingers. You’re coming with me.

ANNOUNCER: All over the country, law enforcement officers are stepping up the campaign against digging for nose gold and driving. The act of extracting boogers makes drivers 100 times more likely to be involved in a fatal car crash, and no matter how fast you wipe your hands on the underside of the dashboard, you can’t fool a boogeryzer test. So keep your fingers from doing brain surgery unless you want to spend a night in the snot tank. Remember: ‘Pick It and Ticket’ is the law in all 50 states.

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