Excerpts From Nonexistent Books

‘Lady’ Simona Osborne
Age: 85
Occupation: Heiress

The Osbornes were the town’s richest and most well-connected family in years past, and their last scion is Simona, who still resides in Osborne House. She is the subject of much rumor and speculation and is something of an eccentric pariah, due in large part to the spectacular destruction of her marriage to John Covington, the owner of the now long-shuttered Covington Industries.

Some say there was a murder, others say there was a secret first husband, but what’s sure is that Simona withdrew from the public eye in the 1960s and has not been an active participant in civic life since. This is not to say that she is a recluse; she gives generously to the local animal shelter, buys Girl Scout cookies, and has been seen walking her many dogs. But the stigma and rumors are such that few approach her or her similarly aged butler, Josiah Washington.

Trivia: Simona has quietly kept up to date with technology. Though much of her house has fallen into ruin, she nevertheless has a 4K television, Netflix, and a fiber optic internet line. Most of the bandwidth is spent on dog videos, dog forum posts, and of course the full-4K resolution stream of the Westminster Dog Show.

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Heath Kilgore
Age: 16
Occupation: Student, Library Volunteer

The younger brother by three years of Ruby, Heath is every bit her equal in terms of bookwormery, but has a less abrasive personality and has generally been better at making friends. He is currently his sister’s “inside man” at the public library, since Ruby was banned following The Incident.

Heath is obsessed with turning trivia into action, so he is constantly tinkering with various things, from mechanics to chemistry. This has led to a serious of very dubious “Heath Potions” as well as extremely questionable modifications to game consoles and other consumer electronics. Heath has been able to turn this into a rather profitable side business, and his access to books and unlimited high-speed internet via the library make him a sought-after sage when it comes to modding things that teenagers are interested in.

Trivia: While Heath makes some money modding game consoles, the biggest score he made was for the city police. They paid him $100 to fabricate a connector to connect their new digital radios to their old squad cars. Rumor has it that, in addition to the hundo, Heath was given a Monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card by the chief.

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Elizabeth “Ruby” Kilgore
Age: 19
Occupation: Student, Barista

Smart enough to get into college, but not smart enough to get someone else to pay – that’s Ruby’s life in a nutshell. A bookworm with at least one inside contact at the public library—namely her younger brother—she works hard as a barista in the local franchise of Stubb’s Coffee to help cut down on the number of outstanding loans she has.

The combination of bookwormery and barista-hood means that Ruby is perhaps the most knowledgeable and well-connected person in town despite her tender age. She keeps a set of detailed notes on her life – the Rubymaximum Chronofile – in order to keep everything straight.

Trivia: What is Ruby majoring in? Based on her name, you’d think it was geology or perhaps gemcutting. Her nickname has nothing to do with her asipriations, but good luck getting her to tell you how she got it. She is notorious for failing to commit, having switched majors every semester since enrolling. Her current major is known only to herself and the registrar.

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“Think about it, kid,” the old man said. “When have you ever seen a movie, read a book, heard a story in your short little life that didn’t end with the hero alive and safe at the end? Even those that don’t have them going out in a blaze of glory.”

“So what?” said Chris. “This is different.”

“No it isn’t!” the old-timer said, taking Chris by the shoulders and shaking him. “This is your mind, lost and scared, trying to beat things into that mold! You find the Light, you find your death. That’s the view I’m taking.”

“And what if you’re wrong, huh?” Chris said. “What then?” he brushed the man off like a jock in gym class, holding his hands up defensively.

“Seems to me this wood was doing just fine without the Light,” the old man said, in a voice thick with sorrow. “You find your way to safety, you can always come back better prepared.”

“And what if I can’t? What if it’s too late? The Light needs me, you nutcase!”

“No,” the old-timer said. “You need yourself. You go much further, and you’re liable to be dead no matter what’s real or not.”

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O, traveler, your curiosity reminds me of when I, too, sought to unravel the Witch Queen’s beautiful designs with only my feeble wits. You ask now of her other pupils? I will tell you what I know, with the added warning that the more one thinks one knows about Lady Nevra, the less one truly does. The Witch Queen is quicksand, my friend, and to build any sort of knowledge upon that is to ask for danger, and possibly death.

Richenda came to the Witch Queen within living memory, and indeed she might be said to be the youngest of Nevra’s innermost. The name she was gifted with upon entry is a very old one, perhaps most notably borne by the great line of queens that ruled the land of Varen for generations, until the overthrow of Richenda XVI in the Smiling Revolution. I think this was the Witch Queen’s way of saying that Richenda, though young, had an old soul, as if she had lived many times before.

She earned the appellation ‘the Delver’ by delving deeply into arcane studies and also by delving deeply into the art of necromancy. Such is her art, they say, that she can scoop the knowledge out of a corpse as one scoops ice cream from an enchanted icebox. Richenda is a practitioner of such art and skill that none can match her, and those that try usually wind up quite dead. Her affect, cold and distant, seems to reinforce this. She is also reputed to know things that she should not, secrets that have passed no mortal lips.

I have my own theory. I think that Richenda was born with an innate gift of necromancy, specifically necropathy – the ability to read the thoughts of the dead. Almost as soon as she could walk, I wager, she began intuitively combing the minds of the dead for knowledge. That explains the ‘old soul’ part of her name, surely enough. However, I suspect that there was a darker side to this, as well. The Art has long been known to act like a drug to some, each piece of magic bringing with it a rush that knows no equal in the feeble powders and poultices of humankind. I suspect that young Richenda quickly became addicted to the rush of necropathy, to the extent that she used the knowledge she had gained to manufacture corpses, as it were, when her supply ran out.

A young woman with the minds of the greatest mages her home had ever known at her grasp? It is no wonder she attracted the notice of the Witch Queen. I would say those desires have been suppressed, if indeed my theory is correct. Then again, the Witch Queen is not above merely slaking such a thirst, should it suit her purposes. And plenty of folk, magical or otherwise, do go missing in Nevra’s great city…

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O traveler, I see you have questions about the strange, armored form that walks the halls of the Witch Queen. Know that Nevra has always kept the lives of her students as the utmost secrets, so all you will come to know is hearsay and rumor. Does this mean that there is no kernel of truth with falsehood wrapped, pearl-like about it? That is for you to decide.

As you may have guessed, all of Nevra’s pupils are given a new name but must earn for themselves an appellation. Lectra was therefore given her name by Nevra, meaning “promised one” as it does in the old, dead tongue of the fallen celestial gods. Lectra’s appellation ‘the Infector’ refers to her mastery of the subtler arts. While her armor may lead one to suspect her a warrioress, and she is indeed a deadly foe in combat, Lectra’s true skills reside in the arts of poison and of mind control. She infects with poison and contagion, and dominates those of lesser willpower to do her bidding. The envenomed blade slides home held in a familiar hand, the poisoned mushrooms served on trusted plates, the ague spread on sleeping lips by devoted servants.

True to the name the Witch Queen bestowed upon her, Lectra is herself a promise. A promise that death will come swiftly and on subtle wings.

As to the armor, none rightly know. It is silent despite its bulk, and encrusted with eldritch symbols that are meaningless to all who have attempted to read them, so many have guessed at Elvish origin. It is rumored that Lectra only began to wear the armor some years after her recruitment, and that before then she was known to be a beautiful being who enjoyed wandering the town. Encased in her armored husk as she now is, her speech held to terse and echoing monosyllables, there is no denying something has grievously afflicted her.

I will share with you my favorite story, in the full knowledge that any such story is likely a pleasing falsehood:

As a young woman, Lectra lost her family to a terrible accident, one related directly to the immense potential the Witch Queen saw in her. After she had been recruited and trained as a powerful sorceress, Lectra foolishly tried to part the veil and return her family to life through sorcery. The aftermath of this terrible incident was that her physical form was annihilated, and only through the greatest effort was the Witch Queen able to save her. Implicit in this rescue, though, was her further service to Nevra. For Lectra is said to be the oldest of the Witch Queen’s current students, and she may no longer be able to die.

Perhaps that is the real reason behind her subtlety. Brute force holds no interest for someone who has only immortal loneliness to look forward to, and who must long for death.

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Thomas McNabb
Age: 64
Occupation: Vice-principal

A long-term military man, McNabb rose to the rank of Major before being forced into retirement after age 55. The age was recently raised to 62, a fact that he is extremely bitter about. Forced to find another outlet for his desire to command troops, McNabb became a school administrator, and currently serves as vice-principal and head of Human Resources for the high school.

His insistence on being called ‘Major McNabb’ notwithstanding, he is extremely unpopular among students and teachers alike due to his imperious manner. Mistaking the school system for the Army and the teachers for troops, he is constantly issuing illegal orders that the school lawyer and superintendent have to walk back. He is only retained due to his efficiency, as the nominal principal, Ms. Vectore, is utterly incompetent.

Trivia: Major McNabb wants nothing more than to renter the military, but his late retirement means that he collects an extremely high level of benefits, most of which he contributes to political candidates. He also does not possess an education degree, having worked his way up from substitute gymnastics teacher to vice-principal in only two and a half years.

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Jayda Benning
Age: 16
Occupation: Student, gymnast, thief

The high school gymnastics team is one of the very best in the state, and Jayda Benning is its star. She’s probably not good enough for the Olympics, but might be able to nab a scholarship all the same, if the program survives. Which is in major doubt, as it has little funding, less equipment, and is constantly shortchanged in favor of the (losing) football team.

This has resulted in Jayda’s other life as a thief. She uses her gymnastics skills to lift valuable items from people who in her opinion, can afford to replace them. The items then get sold on eBay, with the proceeds donated to the gymnastics team and Jayda herself. Her part-time job at Clik-N-Ship, the local outlet for FedEx and UPS shipping, allows her to slip her illicit sales into the mail stream without too much notice.

Trivia: Despite being deeply insecure and wracked by imposter syndrome and body issues, Jayda nevertheless projects an air of utmost confidence. Fake it ‘till you make it! To the befuddled police in town, she is known as the MacBook Bandit after her favored item to steal.

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As you know, the lead mines of House Galena are the worst place to be, and they go through miners recruited from Sunmont quite a bit. Recently, we’ve been getting reports of strange behavior among the miners, even stranger than the violent brawls that lead miners tend to get into. They’ve been uncharacteristically quiet, with little of the usual ruckus we associate with their quarter of the city, but bodies in miners’ clothing are turning up at an alarming rate. We sent an agent into the lead mines to investigate, but he hasn’t returned. We found his carrier pigeon on the rooftops a few days ago, dead, with a partial message in its cylinder:

The lead mine foreman is giving…

Your job will be to infiltrate the mines, either disguised as miners or with a writ from House Galena allowing you to do a mine inspection or even sneaking in. Then I want you to find my agent and recover what he knows. If you cause a ruckus, this will drastically undermine–no pun intended–our relationship with House Galena and make any future dealings with them considerably more hostile. If the agent is dead, you’re authorized to continue his investigation, but there will be a bonus for bringing him back alive. And, of course, if you are traced back to me I will have to disavow you, meaning we won’t be working together again for the foreseeable future.

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House Argenti
Monopoly: Silver
Patriarch: Halidus Argenti

The second-oldest of the seven houses, House Argenti is responsible for all coinage and banking in addition to their silver mines. Uniquely among the noble houses, the Argenti elect the head of their house from all adult members for a lifetime turn not unlike the Lord Regent; for this reason they are often labeled the “Little Regents.” This strong egalitarian streak has led to the Argenti being the most eager to do business with, and extend more rights to, the surface city and its quick folk. This reputation is a double-edged sword, making them extremely popular with non-dwarves but also often regarded as weak or traitorous by their fellow dwarves.

House Heusos and House Isarnan and implacably opposed to House Argenti, and this rivalry (the “Gold-Iron Alliance”) has only grown more intense since Halidus Argenti was able to prevent Qana Heusos from being elected as Lord Regent. House Argenti also has relatively strong ties with the upstart House Makrana, with Halidus Argenti currently engaged to be married to Parian Markana the Younger’s sister.

House Heusos
Monopoly: Gold
Matriarch: Qana Heusos

By far the most wealthy of the seven houses, with a lavish lifestyle commensurate with their great wealth, the gold miners of House Heusos have dominated the city’s politics since its inception. Legend holds that the King Underground was a Heusos, and only his lack of direct male heirs has left the house forced to seek election to the post of Lord Regent. In addition to mining and refining, House Heusos uses its money to invest in many enterprises, though its conservative heads routinely refuse to extend loans and financing to non-nobles and non-dwarves. The majority of Lords Regent throughout the city’s history have been Heusos, but they are in the middle of an unusual drought, with no Heusos among the last five to hold that title.

Matriarch Qana Heusos was the strong favorite to succeed the childless Melah Gabelle, the previous Lord Regent, but enough of her fellows were upset by her hamhanded attempts at bribery and threw their weight behind Halidus Argenti. In the end, a compromise candidate was chosen, but Qana still seeks to bully, blackmail, dominate, or overthrow him, as her whims dictate.

House Galena
Monopoly: Lead
Matriarch: Ctesia Galena

The lead mined by House Galena is used in the city’s plumbing, in cosmetics, and in the various magical engines that help bring fresh air down to the dwarven city from the surface city. These products are naturally toxic, a state of affairs that House Galena alternately disputes, ignores, or embraces. The Galena dwarves are stereotypically famous both for their natural beauty and their savagery. Many rumors link Ctesia Galena, the house matriarch, with organized crime, protection rackets, and other unsavory activities.

Nevertheless, House Galena nobles are highly sought after as consorts, and indeed three of the current seven houses have a Galena married to their current patriarch or matriarch. This constant influx of blood ties has saved House Galena on many occasions, though it is also noteworthy as the only great house besides the new House Makrana that has never produced a Lord Regent.

House Verdigris
Monopoly: Copper
Patriarch: Koten Verdigris

The second-oldest of the seven houses, House Verdigris was once a supplier of bronze weaponry for the military but has since transitioned into offering high-quality metallurgy services and essential conducting pieces for electricity and magic. The copper roofs popular in the surface city are nearly all Verdigris products, and they are renowned for their commitment to the scholarly study of science and magic.

The current Lord Regent, Koten Verdigris, is from this house. He was chosen as a compromise candidate when the seven houses could not agree between House Argent and House Heusos. As such, Koten is well aware of the precariousness of his position and has adopted a policy of conciliation and appeasement, seeking not to make waves and not to anger the other powerful dwarves who might unite behind another candidate.

House Isarnan
Monopoly: Iron
Patriarch: Fergus Isarnen

Iron for steel has made House Isarnan the most martial of the Seven Houses by far, and the High General who commands all the city’s dwarven armies in the event of war has been an Isarnan for five hundred years. The current holder of that office is Fergus Isarnen, and he has been strongly criticized in recent years for holding back stocks of iron and steel for military use rather than allowing more to be used for common blacksmithing. A notorious conservative, Fergus has adamantly refused to extend any citizenship or recognition to the quick folk who dwell on the surface. He also opposes arming any non-dwarven troops, leaving the city watch as the only quick folk with arms of any quantity.

House Isarnan has not produced a Lord Regent in centuries, and privately many feel that “the sword rusts in its scabbard” as there have been few threats, internal or external, to test House Isarnan’s bluster. The consort of the current Lord Regent is an Isarnan, however, and the house hopes that their future children might inherit the position and even unite the two houses.

House Gabelle
Monopoly: Salt
Matriarch: Tuzia Gabelle

Salt, while not glamorous, is an essential facet of everyday life, used in everything from cooking, to preserving food, to making cheese, to raising livestock. Thus the salt mine monopoly operated by House Gabelle has served as a constant, if dull, source of profit and power, one that has produced ten Lords Regent since the founding of the city. Lord Regent Melah, the predecessor to the current holder of that title, is still widely respected.

The perception among the other houses that salt is base or common is deeply resented by members of House Gabelle, who tend to be rather ostentatious and open in flaunting their wealth and power as a result. They are patrons of the dwarven symphony, the annual gladiatorial games held on the surface for the quick folk, and other cultural events. This does not stop rumors that they are plain, boring, and on the decline, however.

House Makrana
Monopoly: Marble
Patriarch: Parian Markana the Younger

The youngest of the Seven Houses, House Makrana is barely a hundred years old and its first patriarch, Parian Makrana the Elder, has only recently died. Parian was able to rise from the rank of commoner, albeit a decorated military veteran commoner, by cannily partnering with quick folk to invest in marble quarries considered useless by dwarves but highly prized for building on the surface. By paying strong dividends to wealthy merchants in the surface city, he was able to build capital and establish a noble house while allowing his partners to “own” a monopoly despite not being dwarves.

House Makrana is currently the sole source of they mysterious element “bauxite,” which is used to make blades stronger and lighter than any yet known. Its source and forging are closely guarded secrets, and the other houses greatly fear that it will further disrupt a delicate balance already tottering due to House Makrana’s rapid rise to power.

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