ANNOUNCER: This Thursday, your favorite treasure hunters return for an all-new season, and the pickings are good.

THOM: What’s this on the underside of your table here?

HOARDER: Not sure. Picked it in ’79.

STAN: It’s a rare hymolymph crystalline crust. Give you $100 for it!

HOARDER: Make it $150 and you got a deal.

ANNOUNCER: This time, the stakes are higher…

THOM: We’ve heard you have a collection of rare squamous gelatins on your bathroom wall. May we come in?

HOARDER: No! Get off my property before I get me shotgun!

ANNOUNCER: …and the picks are juicier.

STAN: We don’t just deal with classic picks, you know. The hospital says you have mucosal nasalitis, and we’d love to pick your collection for cash.

HOARDER: Music to my sinuses!

ANNOUNCER: All in the new season of American Nose Pickers, premiering this Thursday on the Archives Channel. The Archaeology Channel: if it weren’t for the name, you’d never know we had ever been about archaeology instead of reality shows.

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